Why didn't anybody warn me?!?!

A friend is having a baby this September and I was trying to think of all the important stuff to warn her about. There were so many things that I was unprepared for, if it hadn't been for PB I would have freaked out about it! I don't know why these things are told to expecting moms more often. I thought you guys could help compile this list for all future mommies. I'll start


 


You will be bleeding for much longer than you think. I had no idea that post pardum bleeding could go on for 6-8 weeks! Thank goodness you girls here let me know that was normal


About 3-4 months PP your hair will start falling out and who knows when it will stop


this is for c-sections: your bowels will be wrecked for a while. There's a reason they don't let you eat any solid foods until you have farted. Your digestive organs get seriously screwed up in the c-section process. It took months for me to get back to somewhat normal. I had no idea this came with the territory


You will be more hormonal than you realize those first months. I still apologize to my husband all the time for the way I treated him the first couple months. I knew I was hormonal but I totally underestimated the severity. Looking back at my reactions I can't believe I thought I was acting sane! Let him know he will have his wife back in a few months and try to keep this in mind for yourself that maybe you'll feel differently about things when your hormones settle a bit


Along those same lines, your marriage is going to take a big hit like a bomb went off. I was totally unprepared for this one. Yes, there will be plenty of ooey gooey moments where you will be arm in arm, gazing lovingly at this miracle you created together. You will feel special camaraderie when you both get excited over the contents of a diaper. But there will also be plenty (if not more) moments where you will ask yourself why you never noticed how stupid/lazy/selfish your partner can be. You will both be more frustrated, exhausted, and stressed than ever in your lives and since you can't take it out on the innocent baby, you end up turning on each other. You will find new ways to work together and relate as a couple, getting there is a rough road though. In the end, your relationship will be stronger for it all so don't panic when you can't understand how you can get so angry with the father of your baby at when all you want is to be celebrating. It's normal, you'll get through it.


sleep deprivation HURTS more than you could have imagined.There is no way to prepare for it. But you will survive


 


Everyone please add your "I wish they would have warned me.."


 


 


 


 

Posted on August 14, 2011 at 3:32 am
odessa33
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VanessaDToBe
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I wish that someone had told me that after giving birth I wouldn't be able to tell when I needed to pee for at least 2 months after.  That 'oh my God, I've got --to pee!' feeling...gone!  I had to remember to pee every few hours.


I thought that the instant that i saw DD I would feel that all consuming love--don't get me wrong, i absolutely adored her.  It's hard to feel an instant bond though with a teeny baby when you're totally sleep deprived.  Also, she would not look at my face--it was like i wasn't there.  It all combined to take a little longer for me to have 'that' feeling.  I know that sounds horrible, but it's something that no one warned me about and caused a lot of guilt.


I wish someone had warned me about back labour--yes i had heard of it, but nothing could have prepared me for how much it hurt.  Epidural?  Yes please!


Thankfully someone did warn me to put a mattress protector down on my bed, which i did at 36.5 weeks.  At 37.5 weeks my water broke while I was sleeping.  Thank you mattress protector!


 

Posted on August 14, 2011 at 4:27 am
Missie1284
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You might feel a huge gush of blood when you try to sit or stand up after giving birth. It feels like you peed yourself, but you didn't.


Breastfeeding is really hard! I had no idea how difficult it could be and that most people have a few issues with it. 


You will most likely cry over lots of dumb things due to sleep deprivation and hormones.


Postpartum hormones are no joke. 


If you need stitches from tearing or an episitomy, going #2 is incredibly scary and it hurts. Even if the Dr. tells you you will not bust your stitches, you will still worry about that.


The first 4 weeks are the hardest.


Everything is very overwhelming, but it will pass and you will get the hang of everything.


Don't let a lot of people come visit the first week home. I did and will never do it again with future babies. Way too many people and way too much for me to handle.

Posted on August 14, 2011 at 6:42 am
ThePotters
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You boobs and body will NEVER be the same

Posted on August 14, 2011 at 9:24 am
Kelly2bG
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totally agree with the digestive system and c section thing. i remember sitting on the toilet trying to go #2 (cuz they said i had to before i could go home) for over an hour. the nurse kept coming in and talking to dh wondering where i was and if i was okay. i had horrible constipation even though i was popping colace several times a day. my insides STILL arent right at 6 months pp. 


 

Posted on August 14, 2011 at 9:46 am
VanessaDToBe
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Ah yes, the pooping. How could I have forgotten about that?  No one warned me that pooping on the delivery table (yup, I did that...twice) could cause you to tear in a place no one should ever tear.  It will make pooping absolute agony for 2 months pp--seriously, I would rather give birth med free before going through that again.

Posted on August 14, 2011 at 10:11 am
odessa33
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Oh and even with a c-section, PP sex will hurt the first couple times. It will take some time but it will feel good again

Loves yours Tracy! Btw, I still feel like I'll never sleep again. Do you promise that i Will??

Oh and don't let people make you stress out over cuddling your baby too much. I do not understand this one at all. I didn't expect to be made to feel guilty for being an affectionate mommy to a new born. But I guess the real warning here is that people will start trying to make u feel guilty no matter what you do. Try to get a thick skin now!
Posted on August 14, 2011 at 10:59 am
Lucky16
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All of the books say that if you are EBFing that your body will make enough colostrum for your baby and that you should never supplement with formula. My baby screamed for the first three days because he was starving (he stopped the first feed after my milk came in). In my gut I knew he was hungry but I was obsessed with doing the "right thing", which in our case was the wrong thing. You can give your baby a couple ml's of formula through a syringe while he is latched on. Formula does not have to equal bottle. (My LO was 8 days late.)

Take Colace.

Even if you feel like you don't have a single maternal bone in your body, you spend more time with your baby than anyone. Trust your gut.

DH won't do everything exactly the way you do, but you have to step back and let him figure out his own way to do things.
Posted on August 14, 2011 at 11:12 am
Lucky16
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Oh, and colic is cruel, but it is temporary. Even if it feels like it is going to last forever.
Posted on August 14, 2011 at 11:14 am
Missie1284
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Another one for Colace! Take it in the hospital and take it when you get home for awhile!

Posted on August 14, 2011 at 11:43 am
Elocin626
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Thanks ladies for all the warnings! I'm almost 37 weeks and appreciate all the honest warnings to help me prepare for LO's arrival. Keep 'em coming! This is the honest reality that I need to prepare for (that the books don't write about)!
Posted on August 14, 2011 at 11:45 am
Butterly17
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Some babies refuse to sleep.  If you are lucky enough to get one that does... feel blessed.

Posted on August 14, 2011 at 1:31 pm
missdoxxy
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Thanks for all the tips. I'm saving this post. I'm in my 37th week...

Posted on August 14, 2011 at 9:06 pm
SoonToBe.Mrs.G
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Saving this post.


 

Posted on August 15, 2011 at 1:18 am
kat.m
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This is a fabulous post! Can we make it sticky?

Posted on August 15, 2011 at 2:11 am
soon2bMRStip
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I may be in the minority on this one... but... having a baby is not as bad as people make it out to be... you MAY sleep, you MAY still have a life (all depending on your LO)... all those things people say to you about "sleeping now cause you never will again" or "go out to dinner now cause you'll never get out of the house once the LO is here" is a load of crap in my situaiton... its really not as bad as I was anticipating and as people were making it out to be.


Ok so on to the actual warnings...


Cleaning your house is A LOT harder than it was before, what used to take us a couple hours of good solid cleaning, now takes at least 2 days... IF we even get it done.


There is no longer such a things as running a "quick" errand... you have to pack like you are going away for a short weekend to run and get a slurpee


Yes the PP bleeding was SHOCKING to me... both the amount I had in the first 4 weeks and the length of time it was here for... GROSS. I also didnt know it was going to hurt to pee for weeks after... ouch


My hair was also falling out like I was going to be bald any day...


You cant really PLAN anything because everything depends on the baby's mood... For example. We planned to clean our house the other day but Gavin DID NOT want to be put down... needless to say NOTHING got done.


I didnt know how emotional I was going to become. I am NOT an emotional person but having my LO changed me entirely... and not just PP...


Laura - ditto with the husband thing... it does get better though :)

Posted on August 15, 2011 at 2:20 am
VanessaDToBe
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Also, your husband, no matter how great, will NOT understand how much you do in a day with your LO.  When Sophie was a month and a half old DH came home and got annoyed because the house was a mess and dinner wasn't ready.  2 weeks after that I went away for a girls weekend, leaving him alone with Sophie--he had thought that he'd have time to play video games, relax, and have a good time.  He was able to do none of that.  The second I walked in the door he apologized for his previous views on how much work it is to take care of a newborn, and the subject has never come up again.


From time to time go out and have you time.  Whether that's going for a manicure, going for a walk, or just having a really long nap--you need time to do your own thing. 

Posted on August 15, 2011 at 3:08 am
katierose0324
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Vanessa - My DH will be home with LO 2-3 days a week and I am SO grateful that he will get a first hand, in your face idea of how much work is involved from the get go! Love this thread!

Posted on August 15, 2011 at 3:58 am
odessa33
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Ha Vanessa ithe book "baby proofing your marriage" they highly recommend giving your DH a "training weekend" where you leave them alone with the baby for a couple of days. They say this is the best way to help them finally get it about how hard it truly is. I think it's a great idea to make it really click for them
Posted on August 15, 2011 at 4:10 am
FordGirl027
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soon2bMRStip I am with you. I haven't really found it to be that bad. I was expecting the first couple weeks to be awful and need help...but it wasn't the case at all. We were out and about shopping had dinner made every night (though my in-laws brought it over twice)


For me...I wish someone would have told me it isn't that bad, to not worry myself about how to take care of a newborn, because it would just come naturally... (okay maybe DH said that to me....but I didn't believe him lol)


PP bleeding for me subsided within the first week...I was in pantyliners by day 5.


For me, the biggest issue was having my space. My in-laws had this expectation that we would want/need them over for HOURS every day. And it just wasn't the case. I had told them and DH told them before that the only help we would need would be cooking and cleaning....and we only had dinner made for us 2x, got us groceries and then complained when we asked them to stop and grab something else on their way out....and really did nothing around the house and basically just kept me awake the first week...so we asked them not to come over the second week. Which started hell on earth with them freaking out threatening to get a divorce saying they weren't wanted and blah blah drama drama.  So I guess anticipate the possibility of people being tools.


If you plan on breastfeeding, try to get in contact with your local la leche league. I gave birth in a hospital with a midwife here in Ontario, which MW are all about the BFing. but I left early early and didn't get a chance to go to the BFing class they offered. So I called my LLL leader and had her come out to my house and catch up and have her take a look at my latch.


Epsom Salts! Loved taking my bath full soak in ES. It helped my internal tear and I got to soak my breasts at the same time.


Remember with all things..."this too shall pass" Some days are hard and some nights are even harder, but with most everything, it is a phase and it will pass. They grow up far too quickly, try to enjoy every moment!

Posted on August 15, 2011 at 4:16 am
ThePotters
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When you're about 7 months pregnant, wiping your butt will become a challenge. lol

Posted on August 15, 2011 at 5:27 am
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