Do you get the comments/challenges/criticism?

One of the many reasons I started this group is to make a support group for PWers like us. I've read a few threads on the main board about the frustrations of telling others that you are waiting on/never having children. How do you guys deal? 


 


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I'm not even married yet and I get comments on how we will have little ones in 5 years, or asking when we are moving into a house so we can raise children. And once we answer with out standard "No kids any time soon...probably about 8 years" they decide they know us better then we know ourselves and challenge/criticize us with "haha! I think they will be sooner then that" "Things break" "You don't want to be an OLD mom" 


 


I've started telling people I'm infertile...and if that doesn't shut them up instantly (IE ask if we are going to adopt or start suggesting the best position to conceive with.....) I add that "Sorry, its just a really touchy subject I'm not comfortable talking about". Its technically not a lie...I technically have fertility issues and will most likely not get preggos without medical intervention, but its the best infertility ever. No chance of a *surprise* aaaand I just need to take some ovulations meds and insulin and *bam* my uterus is good to go...and just a teeny tiny increase of twins. Its frustrating that we have both had to go this far to avoid talking about the subject/answering that same questions and hearing the same comments over and over

Posted on October 29, 2010 at 8:56 am
inspiritedbeing
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(14) Comments

crissybride
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11/20/2010
crissybride

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All the tiiiiiiiime!! OMG Everyone wants to us to have babies already, we just say.. "Not right now, but we're practicing!" and they either stay quiet or laugh it off..

Posted on November 3, 2010 at 11:17 am
NicolenMoe
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ya we got lots of so when are you guys gonna have babys from his dad an my step mom,


others are like so are you still gonna nanny after the wedding well what else am i gonna do i have to have income.


or how's married life treating you , um i've been married for less then two mths i dont know really

Posted on November 7, 2010 at 10:21 am
carolinawedding
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carolinawedding

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carolinawedding

I've gotten just downright nasty about it. I get all that "oh, you'll have kids." when I say we don't want any. Or the "you'll be pregnant in a year" and crap like that.


I got so mad at a coworker that ALWAYS says that to me, that I finally blew up and said something to the effect of "Just because you and your wife realized you had nothing in common so you reproduced doesn't mean we have the same problem!" Same one said he'd send me a big ole "I told you so" email when I get pregnant. I instructed him to wait until there's actually a baby... He stopped after that.


And we sooo get the same thing you do, inspirited!! I just don't see why people assume we're getting married to have kids.

Posted on November 22, 2010 at 8:29 am
Kaytana17
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I get both annoyed and ANGRY when people TELL us we're going to have kids soon.


Um..since when did an acquaintance or extended relative dictate when we DTD to have children? Sorry, but...that's just WEIRD.

Posted on December 8, 2010 at 11:16 am
XxMyXxDecemberXx
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XxMyXxDecemberXx

I don't know how to deal really! I want kids SO bad right now and FH wants to wait like 5 years...



I was already baby crazy and then my 17 year old sister dropped the bomb that she's pregnant and it's been so hard to try to be supportive to her when I want a baby so bad. My family is all happy that we're waiting though because of my sister. I'm really jealous and I can't really handle it somedays (like when I'm on my period, I was on thanksgiving and went and cried in the bathroom for 20 minutes when they started talking about her baby)

Posted on December 8, 2010 at 9:39 pm
carolinawedding
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Ditto Kay. :/ I can't stand it. At thanksgiving, we had someone tell us "you'll be pregnant in under two years!" I'm pretty sure I have some control over my uterus.

Posted on December 14, 2010 at 4:49 am
fromcoldtofire
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People love to tell me that I'll change my mind and want to have kids. I always swore that I wouldn't get married, so they say "Remember what you said about not getting married!" *wink wink* And I say, "I met FI and changed my mind. I won't be meeting a baby and deciding that I love it so much I want to shove it inside of me and bake it for nine months."


Sorry that's vulgar, but I was a little annoyed at the last "friendly" coworker. All she knows how to talk about are her weird little kids. All I can think of is how I'd cut myself if I had to deal with her family.


 

Posted on December 22, 2010 at 11:31 am
carolinawedding
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carolinawedding

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LMAO! That's awesome. Seriously, and makes so much sense. I know they mean well, but wtf? Not everyone wants that life. I guess it just rubs some of us the wrong way because it's like they're telling us what we are "supposed" to do.

Posted on December 24, 2010 at 3:01 am
inspiritedbeing
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inspiritedbeing

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inspiritedbeing

Ditto Kay completely! It drives me absolutely crazy!


 


Fromcoldtofire - Vulgar? I think its awesome and states the facts quite clearly. I really really hoped you said that!

Posted on December 30, 2010 at 9:34 am
hurleygrl135
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wow I guess I'm one of the few who's family actually thinks we should enjoy it being just the two of us for a year or two before we start a family. ONe of my closest friends is obsessed with me getting pregnant but now it's just a joke between us because I know she's just really excited about us raising our children together. We're thinking about ttc sometime in the summer so the biggest part of my pregnancy will be towards the end of the year. I couldn't imagine being 8 months pregnant in the South.

Posted on December 30, 2010 at 3:39 pm
Mrs.P2be
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Hurley it's the same for us...both of our families want us to wait-DH's parents waited 4 years to have him, and my parents had my sister early and know how tough it is when you're starting out.

Posted on January 3, 2011 at 9:09 am
jenndover
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10/30/2010
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I get really upset about it with my MIL all the time. My husband comes from a very strict religious background where it is expected, insisted upon, and encouraged to get pregnant as soon as humanly possible. "honeymoon" babies are the norm and there are people getting married within their church at a super young age just to start popping out kids. And it's not just 1 or 2. The average "litter" (as I snarkily call it) is around 6 kids. In 6 years. or five, if they're EXTRA intent on pleasing the church.


So she's constantly on my back about it. CONSTANTLY. We cannot have one single conversation without her mentioning kids. She yelled across the room at my bridal shower, "Now when are the kids coming!!" How embarrassing!


When we got married on the beach because my husband was being deployed, she asked at dinner that evening (we had been married for oh....40 minutes??) when she would be getting a grandchild. Really?? You're WANTING me to get pregnant on purpose when my husband is out of the country for the next 10 months??


At our big wedding in October, she asked AGAIN in front of a huge group of people and I said, "Oh, Dave must not have told you. We've decided not to have children." And I turned around immediately and walked away. Apparently it was the scandal of the night. ARGH

Posted on January 8, 2011 at 3:36 am
inspiritedbeing
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@Hurley - You have no idea how jealous I am! Only FI's dad and stepmom love that we are waiting on kids (His dad only has kids from his first marriage...and it was a shotgun from a surprise baby). 


 


@Jenndover - I hope the point gets across to your MIL soon. I can even imagine having to put up with that kind of constant pressure.

Posted on January 8, 2011 at 8:52 am
carolinawedding
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Get a dog and tell her "look, the nearest thing to a grandchild you'll get from me!" The audacity of her to go on and on and on regardless of how you feel about that kind of thing! FMIL's family is the same way. At least four kids per couple, and most of her siblings are grandparents many times over. She's been (thankfully)  understanding of us.


I think the whole "what you're supposed to do" mentality doesn't stop after the wedding. You're supposed to have a certain relationship, supposed to have a certain wedding, and supposed to have a family. We could bend to their will, or we could enjoy badass vacations every year with nothing to worry about. (is that selfish?)

Posted on January 8, 2011 at 12:14 pm

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