Long time no see...random vent
Ever since I got married 2 years ago I've had a friend that has been pressuring me to get pregnant. Well January 2011 I was diagnosed with PCOS so getting pregnant will not be an easy feat for dh and I. Ever since then it's been nothing but talk about how I need to "hurry up" and get pregnant which I find to be extremely insensitive especially considering she got pregnant by accident on drunken night. DH found out he was getting deployed in 2012 at the end of 2011 so we decided to give fertility treatments a shot since we had been planning on TTC this year anyways. Fast forward 3 rounds of clomid with no luck and we decided with a looming deployment, me working full time, and going to school full time; maybe this wasn't the best time to try so we decided to stop for the time being and resume trying later.
Well, this did not sit well with my friend and ever since then there have been little jabs at me about how "there's never a right time to have a baby" and "didn't you know prior to getting married there would be a possibility of him being gone?" and "you say you want to have kids but the longer you wait you may lose the opportunity" etc. I'm so sick and tired of it. Just today I told her that this is the second month in a row I've gotten my period without the help of medication after not getting a natural period for 18 months and that I should think about getting onto bc so I don't get pregnant and she made some big deal about me "changing my mind!" Ummm...hello DH deploys in a few short months and I don't want to do it alone is that so bad? Does it make me a bad person to be ok with waiting a little longer until we're a little more steady financially and I don't have so much pulling me in a million different directions? Or to want my husband at my side when we give birth to our first child?
Ugh! I 'm so over it. Sometimes I feel like I need to break up with her cuz I'm so sick of her superior attitude. I get that she married into money and can afford to do as she pleases and never has to worry about working or going to school but some of us aren't in that position. I understand that she got pregnant unexpectedly and suddenly had to change her life's course. However, I can't just do that. Getting pregnant for us is most likely going to take meticulous planning and frankly, I don't have a great support system of people to lean on where we live so I would be on my own so to speak if dh is gone. I know one day we'll be parents and I know we'll make amazing parents; but just because I'm 26 and not jumping to get pregnant I'm automatically selfish, and just because I had a change of heart and have chosen to live my life the way I want to live it for now and I've accepted and come to terms with my fertility issues doesn't mean I'm never going to have children. I'm still young it's not like my biological clock is going to all of a sudden stop working totally anytime soon it may need some repairs but it's not unfixable. Ugh..sorry had to vent and didn't know where else to go.