Weekly Update Thread: April 8 through April 14






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I'll be back to post about what has been going on with us! 






Posted on April 8, 2013 at 2:16 am
beccabride
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(10) Comments

shneffer
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shneffer

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Hi Becca!


Not much is going on with us this week -just hoping the spring weather arrives soon -it's been really rainy/cool here in Nova Scotia today. Also counting down the days until my parents arrive -less than 4 weeks now :)


I apologize for this lengthy vent -yesterday was a rough one for me. My cousin is getting married at the beginning of June so my parents, Megan, brother, sister-in-law & I were all going to go together. I rsvp'd to the invitation by marking down both myself and Megan as attending. I already bought a dress and was getting excited since I haven't seen my extended family since August of last year at another cousin's wedding but couldn't really socialize since Megan was only 5 weeks old and we were so focused on her and her needs. Fast forward to yesterday morning. I got a call from my uncle confirming that I was still going. I told him that I was, then he asked what I was planning on doing with Megan. I hesitated before asking what he meant. He said "well, it's an adult-only ceremony." Then he told me that there was going to be a brunch the next morning and that kids are welcome and started rambling about shuttle buses and going back and forth between the venue and the hotel.


When I hung up I immediately checked the invitation and nowhere does it say "adults only." I called my parents and asked if they knew about this and my dad (he and my uncle are brothers) said no, he didn't but that my mom was going to p*ssed when she heard lol. I started wondering if it was even worth it to go if we were only allowed at the reception and a brunch. About an hour later my dad called me and told me that he had just talked to my uncle and said that it was also an "adult only" reception. WTF? He asked him why, and my uncle told him that it was their decision (which I totally respect) and that they were trying to save money -Huh? How? By better ensuring that people with kids have a harder time attending? I can understand having an adult-only wedding, but nowhere on the invite did it say this.


He then told my dad that they were "trying" to get a baby-sitting service or that Megan & I can stay at their house during the WHOLE wedding -like all day and night and then come to brunch the next morning. Ummm, thanks but no thanks. The wedding is 5 hours away, my entire family is going so it's not like anyone can watch Megan, DH will be at home since he has to work and has limited time off, and of course DH's family is in England. I just feel hurt, disappointed, and left out :( now my mom doesn't want to go and leave Megan, Bella & I on our own and my brother and sister-in-law won't be able to go since my mom is their ride -my dad is going with his other brother. I feel like this whole thing could have been avoided had they stated that the whole wedding was only adults -then I would've rsvp'd no and that would've been that. Everyone is probably going to be wondering why we're not there :(

Posted on April 8, 2013 at 4:24 am
missjess485
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02/19/2012
missjess485

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@Steph--goodness! I cannot imagine how stressful the situation must be for you and your family. I agree-Adults only is their choice, but they could have VERY easily noted that on the invites. When I think of "adults only" I think of doing so to avoid what may be a lot of children, especially those that may be "rowdy". You are in a unique situation and I feel like you should be an exception to the rule (I know everyone may not agree with me, just an opinion) Megan is a baby, your entire family will be at the wedding, DH's family being out of the country, and the fact that you will be traveling so far to the wedding. I am very frustrated for you! 


I'm having another week full of getting ready for the craft fair Saturday. I opened my Etsy shop this weekend, so excited to fill it up!


I actually was going to post this as a seperate thread, but maybe you ladies could help me most:


My DH is adopted, his biological Mom is his adopted Dad's sister. When he and his sister were taken from their bio Mom's custody at the age of 1 and 2, his adopted parents took them. To that point, his parents were not planning on children so this was a big change for them. DH was raised very differently than I-not a lot of affection, constantly being told he wasn't smart enough, tons of crap. Mostly on the part of his Mom (she and I have a strained relationship anyway, then I found this out and I disliked her even more) Dh and his sister did not know they were adopted until high school. This caused a HUGE change in his sister apparently. She started acting out, just being a "bad" kid. DH said she took advantage of a lot of people, took money, really just sprialed out of control. She left home at 18 and moved to Michigan. DH was 17 at the time, and that was the last time he saw her. In the last 13 years, she has COMPLETELY turned her life around. She had a son a few years after she moved out, then fell in love and was married in 2011. She and her husband have 2 kids, and he has a daughter. They have a full house with 4 kids that's for sure! DH and I keep up on Facebook with her, and he occasionally texts her. (His adopted parents have no knowledge of this) Recently, he had a complete breakdown about how much he is missing out on. We decided we are going to see them in June. It is going to be a big to do. Not only will I be meeting his sister and her family, but, his biological mom is going to be there. (We will be going for a birthday of one of the kids.) His Mother is going to flip.her.lid. when this happens. Do we keep this a secret? Do we tell her? I don't want to keep secrets, but I also know if we tell her, our relationship would likely be totally severed. I hate that it has to be like taking sides. His sister has reached out to their parents, via the mother, and she wants nothing to do with her. It is obvious in conversations that DH's dad is heartbroken over this, but he will never speak to the sister knowing his wife won't. Any thoughts? 

Sorry that was so long--and sorry if it got confusing!! 

Posted on April 8, 2013 at 10:04 am
Uhlease
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09/02/2012
Uhlease

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Bummer, Steph :( Yes, it is definitely courtesy to put that on the invite so people can rsvp accordingly. The good thing is, just let them know now that you cannot attend due to not being able to find a babysitter (or whatever you want to tell them) and it should be enough time for them to change your rsvp. That sucks though because I'm sure you wanted to see your extended fam. That's definitely a vent worth venting!!


As for us this week, I think it will be slow at work, so that will most likely make it seem long. DH has a second interview tomorrow, so fingers crossed that this one works out!! Nothing else new to report! :) Have a great week

Posted on April 8, 2013 at 10:33 am
Uhlease
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09/02/2012
Uhlease

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@Jess, sorry I had my post up for so long that I didn't see your post until after I posted mine. Ugh, as for your situation, wow!!! A bit confusing, and I really wish I had some helpful words for you!! I really don't know :( I know you don't want to sever any relationships, but sometimes people are too selfish to understand what others need to do in order to be happy, which might mean seeing their family even if somebody else doen't want them to? KWIM? So sorry!!

Posted on April 8, 2013 at 10:44 am
beccabride
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beccabride

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Hey ladies - I have missed being in the group these last couple of days.  Things have been super busy for us. 


@Steph - I agree with you about wanting the spring weather.  And what the heck is right about the wedding!  I would have thought the same thing as you - especially since it was not stated on the invitation that it was an adult-only wedding.  I'm sorry that you are not going to be able to go, but if I were in your situation I don't think I could justify spending the money to be able to only go to the brunch.  I have to agree with Jess too regarding making an exception for you, especially since you are immediate family!!! (((hugs))).


@Jess - WOW!! Unfortunately, I can definitely relate to what DH has gone through. I am estranged from my father, sister and most of his family because of my father's wife. I too grew up hearing similar things from my sister and various members of my father's side of the family.  It does hurt every once in a while that I do not have a relationship with them, but when I sit back and evaluate how my life is right at this moment and how it could be with them in it, I have to say that I honestly believe my life is better without them and the drama that they all bring.  DH just recently had a "run-in" with his mother and stepfather, and now he is not speaking to them. 


My gut instinct is to say go and visit DH's sister, and maybe keep it from his mom, but instead of keeping it a huge secret, just say that you guys are going to visit family. It's a very difficult situation, but sometimes as Elise said so wonderfully, you do have to sever a relationship in order to be a part of other family members' lives. 


@Elise - I'm not sure if your DH had his interview yet, but I'm saying prayers for you guys.  I would love to switch with you for a slow week.  LOL


 


As for me...this week so far DH and I have been trying to adjust to last week's run-in with his stepfather.  Long story short, stepfather is claiming that we owe him money and when DH asked him for a breakdown of what was owed (DH was not sure if we missed a payment or two), he came up with "I'll have to compile it".  Now the amount he came up with was so outrageous, DH flipped out. We had to block both his stepfather and mother from calling us, and now the bullying has begun through other family members. DH called his mom and told her in no uncertain terms was she or her husband to contact us again. We had a rough time Thursday and Friday last week, and just started getting back into a more positive frame of mind. Side note to this: DH's stepfather has bullied him from the day I have met him, and I'm sure for the many years that he has been with DH's mom.  The thing that makes me sad is that DH and I chose this area where we live so we could be closer since they are getting older and have some health issues. However, we have decided that we are not going to let that ruin our happiness.  Crossing my fingers that the stepfather doesn't try to take this bullying craziness to another level. 


Work has been busy for both DH and I, and now that the craft show season is upon us, my weekends will be full of shows (at least I'm crossing my fingers for that) and of course our home projects will be able to start soon since the weather is slowly getting nice.  Whew, this is a long post - so I'm going to stop for now. 

Posted on April 10, 2013 at 5:19 pm
beccabride
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beccabride

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Oh yes, one more thing - THANKS for letting me vent a bit! I guess I needed to get that out!

Posted on April 10, 2013 at 5:20 pm
MrsCaleYoung
5
06/30/2012
MrsCaleYoung

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@Steph - Wow. So sorry to hear all of that! We put on our invitations adult only ceremony and it caused a lot of issues from his side of the family. It was really his idea, I didn't care one way or the other and in the end, children were at the wedding, family only. Could this be an option? Does she know that you won't be able to attend at all if you can't bring Megan?


@Jess - I am just speechless! I read Becca's response and I totally agree with her answer. It sounds like seeing his sister would mean the world to him and from what you said about his relationship with his adopted mother, it might also do him a world of good to meet his biological mother and have some closure. The whole situation is very sad, but I can't wait to hear about the trip! Hey, where in Michigan does she live? Maybe me and you can meet in person! That would be awesome! And I am excited for your craft show too! I need to kick my but in gear and open me an etsy store, but can't seem to find the time. Lol.


@Elise - Have my fingers and toes crossed for DH to get his job! : )


@Becca - So sorry to hear about the stepfather and the MIL. That is an unfortunate situation. Happy to hear that the two of you are remaining a strong unit and not letting that interfere in your happinesss. 


And ladies, stop saying sorry for the vents! That's what we are here for! If we could talk in person, it wouldn't seem long when we type. Lol. Love all you guys because now is my turn to vent. 


As some of you know, I had to take my second job back to help offset bills and I was also called to do job coaching for this gentleman again. That ended, thank God, on Tuesday so now I am just working first and second job. Had appointment on Monday for Ob/gyn to see if my fibroids enlarged. For the ladies that do not know, there may be hope I can get pregnant. After I find out about the fibroids, my doctor is going to speak with another specialist to decide if I need a pessary for my uterus before conception or after. Once that is done, then she is going to start me on clomid. I have to discuss with her the medication I am on for rheumatoid arthritis because I can't take it while trying to conceive. She doesn't know I am on medication yet because I just found that out two weeks ago. I will update everyone on my journey as it unfolds!


Now my turn to vent. DH and I are going on vacation next month to Memphis. Since we got married, DH loves doing "couples" things, so there are three other couples coming along as well. All the men work at Smart with DH, so they get five weeks of vacation. I get two weeks of vacation a year, but I can't take two weeks together and I can only take 40 hours at a time. They are leaving on a Friday, which I couldn't do or else I would have to be back to work the following Friday, so I asked could we leave Saturday. Everyone was grumbling that no, they wanted to leave on Friday, so I said fine, and I got me a one way ticket to fly in on Sunday instead. DH's cousin is dating his best friend, and both of them are going on the trip. Her son's prom is during the week we are on vacation, so instead of coming back on Saturday as originally planned, we are coming back on Wednesday so she can be back to get him ready. That beyond annoyed me that the entire group made a concession for her, but no one would do it for me. Before I booked plane ticket, I asked DH to fly with me but when he told his best friend, he was all upset that they wouldn't be riding to Memphis together, so he declined. Earlier this week I found out from DH cousin that her, DH best friend, her sister and boyfriend and one other couple are going to Vegas in July. DH is trying to pretend like his feelings are not hurt, but they are. He feels like if they are best friends and are supposed to be like brothers, then how come he is always left out the loop? I don't care one way or the other, because I am tired of doing couple trips. Yesterday he asked me to book him a plane ticket so we could be together. I told him we may not sit together on the plane because mine was booked two weeks ago and he said that is okay, maybe someone will let us sit together. Before I booked, I text him and asked was he for certain and he said yes. During the booking process, he text me and asked had I booked yet, I said I hadn't finalized and he said to call him. When I did, he sounds wishy washy about the flight after talking to his best friend and I am just getting super annoyed. He then tells me, if YOU want me to fly with you, then I will fly with you. That irritated the hell out of me because HE decided he wanted to fly and now he wants to make me look like the "bad guy" if he doesn't drive down with everyone. So I say go ahead and go with all of them, I will see you Sunday and he says, I haven't made my final decision because I want to be with my wife. Well if he wanted to be with his wife, then he would have booked his ticket when I originally booked mine!!!! 

Posted on April 12, 2013 at 4:38 am
missjess485
4
02/19/2012
missjess485

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It seems like we all needed to let a little steam off!


Thank you all for your kind words! I spoke to DH's sister (for the first time--I REALLY like her!!) and we are making plans!! We have this feeling that his Mom is going to find out-her sister lives in the same community as DH's sister. So, we have decided that DH is going to tell his Dad what is going on. FIL will handle this better, he will likely understand where DH is coming from and can then talk to MIL. DH's general thoughts are that he doesn't care what his Mom thinks, he just wants to avoid her over the top reaction, she is exhausting!!! I am excited-DH is excited-his sister is THRILLED! (She said her oldest [he is 11] has been asking about DH and meeting him)


@Elise--FX that DH's interview went well!! You'll have to update us!


@Becca--that is CRAZY about Eric's Stepfather. I really hope that they back off--how can grown adults act like such children!?


@Tressy--Couples trips can be so exhausting and this one seems to be very frustrating. I would be SO annoyed that they wouldn't consider leaving one day later for you, but they will leave earlier for one other person. Not fair at all. I can only imagine how hurt your DH must be about the Vegas trip. I would also be heartbroken if my best friends were all heading somewhere without even mentioning it to me. You guys should say to heck with it and go somewhere fab just the two of you! :)


DH's sister lives outside of Marshall--is that close!? We will DEFINITELY have to get together sometime--we are planning on making this a trip we make often, apparently she is only about 4 hours from our house! 


 

Posted on April 13, 2013 at 4:18 pm
Uhlease
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09/02/2012
Uhlease

Uhlease

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Uhlease

Definitely seems like a trying week for most! Hopefully this week gets better!!


Tressy, I would have been ticked off too! Couples trips are fun, but much more annoying to plan. Def take a fab trip just the two of you sometime soon!


Jess, glad to hear you like his sis, and hope all goes with with it!


Becca, I really really hope things get better with your situation!!


Ugh, fingers crossed for a better week :)

Posted on April 15, 2013 at 8:30 am
MrsCaleYoung
5
06/30/2012
MrsCaleYoung

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Yes, couple trips are super annoying and I am trying to avoid them at all cost in the future. And Jess, we are going to Vegas in December! Time to use that time share finally! I have to check and see how far away Marshall is from me. I can't wait for you and DH to meet his sister!

Posted on April 16, 2013 at 4:58 am

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