bumped bridesmaid...

selecting only 2 bridesmaids might make things uncomfortable for one of my friendships here in LA.

see, FI and i agreed upon 2 bridesmaids and 2 groomsmen. we're having a budget wedding and i'm planning on paying for the bridesmaid dresses, rental car and partial hotel room for our bridal party as a thank-you.

i know the number of groomsmen and bridesmaids don't have to match... but with all those bills i'm planning to take care of for them, i can't really afford to add on another bridesmaid (dress, hair, etc).

the friend i've decided not to ask to be my bridesmaid will be hurt... we met right after both of us moved to LA. not knowing anyone, we built an immediate bond and have been close for 3+ years now. it hasn't been a steady friendship though... ups and downs throughout the course of our relationship. in fact, FI and some of my other close friends don't feel like she's that great of a friend.

ANYWAYS... i'd love to have her take part in my wedding, but how? she gets nervous easily and probably wouldn't do well with speeches or readings. but i don't want to stick her with something meaningless like guest check-in or something.

any suggestions? or should i just bite the bullet and ask her to be my 3rd bridesmaid...HELP!
Posted on September 10, 2007 at 1:10 pm
kittnmouse
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(10) Comments

Ms.Sumomo
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06/24/2007
Ms.Sumomo

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Ms.Sumomo

First, that's really nice of you to pay for their dresses. Your BMs will really appreciate that. If you think she's organize enough you can ask her to be your DOC for the day of the wedding.

How much do you want her to be in your wedding? BMs are like the girls in our lives that closest to us...like sisters..you know. Do you want her to be you BM?

Maybe you can ask your girls to pay for their own hair and make-up so you can afford another BM dress. I think paying for their hotel and dresses are already a lot. Plus, to be a BM is an honor.

HTH

good luck!
Posted on September 10, 2007 at 2:08 pm
kittnmouse
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yeah... honestly, i can find that money somewhere if i truly wanted her to be a BM. i guess the issue at hand is whether she's been a good enough friend to have me invite her as one. like i said, it's been an up and down relationship. guess it's more of an inner debate haha.

and a major thing is that she's very very sensitive... and i don't want to make her feel bad, which i'm 99% sure this will do. anyways... just wanted to see if there were other roles she could play that's meaningful enough that she won't feel terrible about being a BM?

maybe i could ask if she'd be comfortable doing a reading or something... but not sure if she would be. thanks for your input, nds!
Posted on September 10, 2007 at 3:36 pm
myfiancesbrave
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03/28/2008
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myfiancesbrave

ohh i've been there. in the end she's not a bridesmaid. alternative? um.. mention her in your speeches? or have her be "in charge of someting". making invitation, enlist her to help your bm w/party planning (shower, etc), and or have her do something in the ceremony that doesn't require talking in front of a crowd. ie... passing out programs.. you'll think of something.
Posted on September 10, 2007 at 4:34 pm
mariegalapon
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10/06/2007
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i agree with myfiancesbave....mention her on toasts....if not a bridesmaid, some type of sponser??????.....I think it is really nice of you to pay for your BM...., good luck......
Posted on September 10, 2007 at 4:51 pm
kittnmouse
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thanks for the help, ladies :-) think i'll ask if she'd like to do something like a reading first, since that's more meaningful. don't want her feeling like she's doing all the work and getting none of the glory by sticking her with something like guest check-in or helping me me bridal shower, etc. hehe.

by the way, marie, what's a sponsor?? never heard of that before.
Posted on September 11, 2007 at 6:17 pm
moemarsita
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I know this doesn't necessarily help your situation, but you can't control other peoples' reactions. As a lifelong people pleaser, I've made a commitment to myself to not succumb to those ways when I plan this wedding. Of course it's important to be considerate, but just because she's sensitive shouldn't mean added stress for you. A pity decision will get you in the end.

Also, I should add that being lovingly direct with people is always the best policy. I thought not being a people pleaser would get pushy/odd people in check, but it takes work to communicate with difficult people.
Posted on September 11, 2007 at 6:28 pm
kittnmouse
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moemarsita, i talk tough but have a bleeding heart in the end haha. even one of my bridesmaids, who's a TOTAL pushover, said i should stick to my decision and not give in to guilt for my wedding day. so i've finally decided not to feel bad about it hehe. your message totally helped! thanks :-)
Posted on September 11, 2007 at 6:59 pm
johnandjanet
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johnandjanet

Maybe she could recite one of the readings during the ceremony?
Posted on September 11, 2007 at 8:40 pm
kittnmouse
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ok... so i found the courage to tell my bumped bridesmaid yesterday. didn't go so well. i told her that FI and i decided on 2 each. she asked if ____ and ____ were going to be my bridesmaids and i said yes; to which she responded: i knew from the beginning they'd always be your bridesmaids. you made that very clear. i'm ok with it.

eh???

totalllllly peeved. she's had "i'm being compared" syndrome since we first met and our relationship has always felt like we were bf/gf or something - where she's always hurt/paranoid/jealous that i have friends besides her. bah.

i guess everything's resolved in that she's going to be part of my wedding - do a reading or help me coordinate... but this isn't the last i'll hear of it. what especially hurt me was, i asked her to be part of my special day and her reaction was -_-

oh well.
Posted on September 14, 2007 at 6:30 pm
kathy
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=(
Posted on September 15, 2007 at 5:25 pm

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