DH's family CRUSHED my feelings.

I'm so sorry, but I need to vent and I know you ladies will understand.


Yesterday, DH and I went to a picnic that his side of the family was holding. Of course, there were lots of young families and a few babies present. The first thing my MIL did when we arrived and sat down was bring an adorable little girl over to me and put her on my lap. (Which in and of itself is fine--I love snuggling all that cuteness!) But then she said "I just wanted to bring her over for you to hold so you'll hurry up with ours".


Okay. His family knows we are trying really hard with no success. So that was unnecessary. But then she tells the grandma of the baby, "I can't wait to be a grandma too, but my DIL there is taking forever". Really? REALLY? Like it's my fault, and I'm dragging my feet or something? If I had my way, I would have been pregnant 9 cycles ago, but it's just not happening.


I'm sure I'm probably just being sensitive, and she may have been joking(?), but I was totally crushed. And I kept saying to DH after we left that this is why we told them we were trying in the first place! So somebody wouldn't say something hurtful on accident. Now they're saying hurtful things on (what feels like) purpose, and I don't know what to do. 


If it were your family, would you have a talk with MIL?

Posted on June 10, 2013 at 5:52 am
littlebit07
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(11) Comments

nenyibabs
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Definitely Yes!! For God's sakes!! Tell her how exactly she made you feel. It doesnt mean you should be rude or anything,you can be polite and still let her know how you felt. Her answer will determin your next line of action.


We women can be so catty, and age has nothing to do with it**shudders**

Posted on June 10, 2013 at 6:07 am
Kristen_Tater
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First off ***HUGS***.


Second off, you are NOT being overly sensitive. I understand how you feel; however no one has said anything like that to me, ever. We haven't told anyone but our siblings that we are trying, just to avoid any comments, but I know where you're coming from.


I had a situation kind of like this.... my MIL would say almost every time we were together how she was ready for us to have kids, now it wasn't like anything your MIL said, but she would still make comments. And keep in mind I see my MIL about 3-5 times a week... so it was constant comments. It was stressing me out so much, that I would not want to go over there as I was afraid I would lose it.


My DH actually talked to his mom back in Jan/Feb, and said that although we knew the comments were coming from a loving place, they were making me stressed out and asked that she stopped. She did stop, and I no longer feel the stress that I did before. My sister also said the same thing to my mom, and now my mom no longer says anything either. I will let them all know when we do finally get PG that we've been trying for awhile, which is why we asked them to stop commenting so they understand, but don't be afraid to have your DH say something.


I would also personally have your DH talk to her. I am SUPER close with my MIL (like, closer to her than I am to my mom), and I didn't even want to say anything I wanted DH to say it. But they know you're trying and that's why I don't understand why she even said what she did.... even if she thought it was funny, there is nothing funny about a woman feeling down that she can't get pregnant. No one should be talking lightly about it, because it affects you from day to day.


 


Try not to think about it, it will come, I promise :) but you are not out of line, what she said was uncalled for

Posted on June 10, 2013 at 6:27 am
NicoleJuliette
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Are you serious!!!??? she had the nerve to say that, knowing all you've been through. I feel like marching over there and setting her straight.


If it were me I think I would talk to DH and see if I should sit one on one with her or if we could together. She might not know she's hurting you, but she should be made aware...in a non confrontational way. Good luck and lots of hugs your way!!

Posted on June 10, 2013 at 6:28 am
_MNM
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_MNM

Comment has been removed by Project Wedding due to a violation of our Terms of Use
Posted on June 10, 2013 at 6:34 am
Kristen_Tater
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(sorry for my novel) :S

Posted on June 10, 2013 at 7:29 am
Jenny521
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It always surprises me how thoughtless some people can be! It's not like they are bad people, they just really don't think twice about what they say and how it might affect someone. Your feelings are absolutely valid for feeling this way! I think anyone would.


If I were you, I would bring it up in a kind but sincere way with your MIL. She should understand that her comments are insensitive, and that this journey is not always an easy or quick one (I mean, hello!). 


Good luck, and hugs!

Posted on June 10, 2013 at 8:31 am
winterbride2011
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I'd get your DH to talk to his mom.  I'd just be prepared that it might not completely stop.  My mom was saying a bunch of things so I told her she needs to back off, because I have my own anxities of having challenges, etc.  She was respectul for a while, and is still more careful, but she's back to lot's of baby talk which causes me anxiety.  Hindsight is 20/20, I would have been way less transparent with my parents about gearing up to TTC and such.  I should have treated them like everyone else, if anything making comments to keep the pressure off "me, pregnant?!  Heck no!" or "people are having kids, we're having furbabies" or "we want some more time to travel and such, so if it happened in a couple years we'd be thrilled".

Posted on June 10, 2013 at 9:00 am
KWoodrn
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There are no excuses for how thoughtless people can be and I do think you or your DH should have a talk with her, but I don't think people that have never had problems getting pregnant really understand how stressful and depressing it can be to want something so bad and trying so hard to get it just to be consistently disappointed. You are in no way being overly sensitive and have the right to feel however you do. It's hard but try not to take what everyone else thinks/says/wants to heart. I hope your MIL comes around and becomes more supportive. My mom used to be the same way about bugging me to have kids, then when I had my m/c and she found out we were activly trying she just started wanting constant updates. I'm actually surprised she hasn't requested a calendar of my cycle and the days we bd so she can critique it :-\
Posted on June 10, 2013 at 7:28 pm
nenyibabs
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@kWoodrn: lol. It definitely cant get that outrageous. So how did you handle the pressure?

Posted on June 11, 2013 at 1:18 am
littlebit07
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Thank you everyone so much for your support and letting me vent. It really means the world to be a part of a community of ladies that understands this kind of thing. Ya'll are the best:)

Posted on June 11, 2013 at 5:17 am
jmbuss9
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Hugs to you. I am so so so sorry that you are dealing with that. That would make me so upset, and would also hurt/crush my feelings. I hope that she lightens up and stop blamining this on you for it is an emtional roller-coaster. :\

Posted on June 11, 2013 at 6:06 am

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