When Would You Tell?

How open are you being with people about TTC?  And once you get a BFP, how soon do you plan on sharing the news?

Posted on March 8, 2013 at 1:00 am
winterbride2011
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(20) Comments

winterbride2011
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I'm a pretty private person, plus I have a fear of it taking a long time to TTC.  Right now the only people who know I'm on BCP is my dr. and DH. 


When we get a BFP I'd like to keep it to ourselves for a short while to enjoy sharing such an awesome secret, but I want to tell my immediate family right away.  We're really close with my family, and I want them to share in our joy as early as possible.  HOWEVER, my mom will be getting strict instructions to keep it hush hush.  Especially with our in-law problems, we can't afford to have anything slip to DH's family.  DH decided his family wouldn't know about a BFP until we make it public after the 1st trimester finishes.  My mom tells me people understand if you miscarry, but I don't like being the center of attention so I wouldn't want to "deal" with people about it.


 


 

Posted on March 8, 2013 at 1:07 am
Jenny521
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05/21/2010
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Athena... you read my mind! I literally logged on this morning to ask the same exact question! It's something I've been thinking about (along with HOW I want to tell family and friends when the time comes). As far as TTC, we've only told a couple of our closest friends, but only when asked "when are you having a baby?!" We haven't told anyone just out of the blue. I want to keep it mostly on the DL for the reasons that you mentioned...you never know how long things will take, and I think sometimes pressure just makes things harder.


I know we'll tell our parents/siblings right away, and probably our closest family and friends at about 8 weeks...otherwise we'll probably wait until 12-14 weeks to tell the rest of the world. :)

Posted on March 8, 2013 at 1:31 am
Claire27
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06/19/2010
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We are not telling anyone at all until after the 1st trimester.  No parents, siblings, friends, nothing.  My BFF knows we are trying but she also knows that I will not tell her when it happens.  She mostly knows because she and her husband are talking about trying and I wanted to share some things I've learned about prepping for a healthy pregnancy.


When people ask of we are going to have kids we tell them that its still up in the air....because it is, its not a lie, we don't know if we will get pregnant....

Posted on March 8, 2013 at 2:15 am
winterbride2011
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@ Jenny - too funny!  It will make those people feel really special to find out at the 8 week mark.


we tell them that its still up in the air....because it is, its not a lie  <-- good point, Claire!  We developed our basement in 2012, so we kept telling people "after the basement is done".  Then that big project was done and people started to ask again so we said "after Europe".  So now we're getting some more questions, to which I say something about how we're really enjoying our time together and decided we're not in a rush.  But I like your line, I should start using it!

Posted on March 8, 2013 at 2:39 am
winterbride2011
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OR I tell the really nosey women at work "meh, we decided we don't want kids".  OR the time I was drinking gingerale this winter with an upset stomach and when someone asked if I was pregnant I responded "gosh NO!".  I love how the women at work will probably think our pregnancy was unexpected (when the day comes).  The ladies at work are the worst for it!

Posted on March 8, 2013 at 2:41 am
AuntTate
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09/10/2011
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Everyone knew we were TTC for the majority of the year last year after losing our first LO in November of 2011.  We were cleared to start again in Feb 2012 and my family knew that but we didnt like officially announce to anyone we were TTC.  When we finally got our BFP we knew we wouldnt tell anyone until we hit that trimester mark where it's safe to tell because of our first experience.  However, my boss and both of our parents learned earlier than that because I had early bleeding again and we thought we were going to m/c again but everyone else learned after we hit the 2nd trimester mark and heared the heartbeat through the doppler for the first time.

Posted on March 8, 2013 at 3:48 am
msdl
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We didn't tell anyone we were TTC. Everyone knew we were definitely not on the TTC track for the first year after the wedding. Once we got to the point where we were TTC, we still didn't tell anyone. But if people asked directly, we gave them some variation of "if it happens, it happens!" I did talk to my best friend throughout the process, only because she was also TTC. It was honestly wonderful to have you ladies here in this group and her in my personal life to chat with. And like Claire, my bestie knew we would probably keep it quiet if/when we got our BFP.

With that said, it was so hard to keep it from her once we got our BFP!! I ended up telling her at 8 weeks or so, because it felt like lying :-( And the point that women make about wanting support if something had happened...she is the only one that probably could have helped me through that. Aside from her, we told our parents at 6 weeks after we had seen the doctor and put them on a strict gag order. Then we told everyone else at the end of our first trimester. I work from home, so I was also able to wait to tell my boss at that time. It was SO, SO hard to keep our families quiet...longest six weeks ever! Lol
Posted on March 8, 2013 at 7:04 am
swissgirl
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We didn't tell anyone that we were TTC and also we didn't tell anyone that we are pregnant until the first trimester test. It was the same when we were expecting our first one. I just think it's too private and on the other side when you get a BFP you never know if something goes wrong during the first weeks.

Posted on March 8, 2013 at 7:27 am
_MNM
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10/01/2010

_MNM

Comment has been removed by Project Wedding due to a violation of our Terms of Use
Posted on March 8, 2013 at 7:46 am
DansMrs
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We didn't tell anyone while were TTC because I would have been hounded with the typical questions and I didn't want that. Which is why PW was so valuable to me!


When we got our BFP - we only told immediate family. But they were on orders to keep mum until we were past the 1st Tri. That was the longest 8 weeks of our lives but I think it was harder on my Mom than it was me! Now it's killing my Mom not yet knowing what we're having! LOL

Posted on March 8, 2013 at 9:32 am
winterbride2011
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I agree with a lot of you that I want to tell my immediate family early on for the support. I just don't need my aunts, co-workers, etc supporting me. Just those closest to me - a small tight knit group.
Posted on March 8, 2013 at 12:07 pm
littlebit07
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07/14/2012
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The plan was to keep TTC a secret...but it didn't seem right to lie to our family and friends when they asked when we going to start a family. And I'm thankful we were honest, because now that it's taking longer than anyone expected, everyone is kind enough not to torture me with subtle questions about how long it will be until we have a new baby in the family.


As far as pregnancy goes, I will tell my Mama right after DH. She's a nurse and I would want her support if anything went wrong, and I know she could keep it to herself until we told everyone else.  Ideally we would like to keep it a secret from everyone else until we've seen/heard a heartbeat, but there's no guarantee that Nick's family won't guess and call me out. I work with my MIL and both of DH's aunts, so if I start loosing my breakfast every morning there will be questions. Lol.  

Posted on March 9, 2013 at 12:35 am
aylacherie
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04/08/2012
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My sister is the only person who knows that we are TTC. She will also be first to know (aside from DH of course) when we get our BFP. I'll probably end up telling her soon after, but we are planning to wait until the second trimester to tell everyone else. I'd love to tell my mom, and have her support, but she is terrible at keeping secrets.

Posted on March 10, 2013 at 6:48 am
mrsbrown12
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12/12/2010
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Well we were 6 weeks when we told out parents in December and 8 weeks when we told everyone else to only MC days later, telling them was more of a blessing to me bc everyone was sooooooo supportive. With that said I think I will tell my mom and a few really close friends before 2nd tri, just to have the prayers and support from my friends.
Posted on March 10, 2013 at 3:43 pm
GermanBride2011
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My Mom and my twin sister are the only ones who knows that we are TTC. My sister will also be the first one (sure, after DH *lol*) when we will get our BFP because she is a midwife and I love to have someone besides me when I have questions / need help. We will tell the rest of our family and friends after the first trimester

Posted on March 10, 2013 at 8:44 pm
winterbride2011
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@ CountryGirl ~ mom's who can't keep secrets are the funniest!  Especially when you know it is something they'll be so excited over.  We'll tell my mom (even though she isn't good at secrets), but I know my dad will help keep her quiet!

Posted on March 11, 2013 at 3:20 am
October9_2010Bride
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After having a MC at 7 weeks I thought for sure that I would never spill the beans until 12weeks.  Looking back, I'm glad my family and in-laws knew.  They were supportive and now we don't get the 'when are you having kids' question like we used to.  That question would've killed me in the months after that. 


 I can't keep a secret anyway and we were just so excited after trying for so long.  When we get our BFP we will definitely tell my grandparents, DH's parents and my sister.  Then tell friends at 12 weeks. 

Posted on March 11, 2013 at 4:37 am
winterbride2011
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This is really good!  I like hearing how it is recommended to tell some people early on for a support network. A close friend of mine thinks it should be totally private between a couple until 12 weeks, but I feel it's nice to let some people know.  Ones who will be overjoyed, and supportive if you need it.  But even if you don't MC you may need support with morning sickness, etc.  I know if I have horrible morning sickness my mom would be cleaning my house, feeding DH, etc while telling DH to just take care of me.

Posted on March 11, 2013 at 4:46 am
CheekyMar
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We took the "if it happens it happens" approach with people when TTC. However I told my closest girlfriends that I had stopped taking birth control... which is an obvious sign of TTC. But when family or anyone else not in my inner circle would ask when we were going to have a baby, I would respond "oh, maybe in the next year or so... we dont really want to plan for it". It worked.


After I got my BFP, we kept it to ourselves for like a second :) We then told our parents/siblings & I told only my best friend. We then started casually telling bosses & other people at 10ish weeks. I still havent told a lot of people that I am pregnant. Our core group of friends and family knows, thats all I really cared about telling. I am not a huge facebook/twitter person, so I dont plan on posting anything specific unless a picture is posted of me or something that is an obvious pregnancy pic.

Posted on March 11, 2013 at 7:37 am
lex484
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07/02/2011
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I completely agree with MurphNoMore... I've had 2 MCs back to back in a 4 month time span. The first pregnancy was a complette surprise and the MC happened less than a week after finding out so we didn't even get a chance to tell anyone. The second one became a terrible mess bc we wanted to wait until we got confirmation that everything was ok before telling anyone (since then we were scared from the the first MC) but I had issues with my insurance that kept me from being able to go to the dr sooner than later and ultimately ended up heavily bleeding the day I would've been 11 weeks. I finally told my mom affter I felt like I couldn't take keeping this huge secret anymore. I'm very close with my family and even DH's and like Murph said when you're so scared/stressed and not knowing what's going on when it's just you and DH that know, it felt like a huge weight was lifted when I finally told my mom. She reassured me everything would be ok and whatever was meant to happen would no matter what. I think we will definitely tell our immediate family right away when we are pregnant again simply bc we would tell them eventually irregardless of what happens, and with knowing our history now, they will be supportive no matter what. My SIL has had issues not being able to get pregnant at all yet and my BIL and his wife suffered a MC before having my DN as well so everyone knows about each other's struggles in the family. It was worse feeling like we were living this double life just to avoid telling everyone what was really going on. As for telling the rest of the world, we will definitely wait until after first trimester if not just until I start showing and need to share.

Posted on March 12, 2013 at 5:16 am

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