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7 Ways Not To Be A Pushover


I came across this article on and loved the advice!! I know a few of us need to take a few of these helpful hints when standing up for things from our wedding to life in general.

1- Express yourself

Listen to your
instincts. When something bothers you or you feel you've been wronged, it's
best to speak up right away. This might take some practice. If you miss your
chance on the spot, plan your strategy to bring up the issue privately later.

2- Stop being agreeable

No matter how hard you try, you can't please everyone all the time. When your thoughtfulness and reluctance to hurt other people's feelings start to impact your own well-being, it's time to start looking out for No. 1.

3- Pick your battles

Don't practice your
newfound assertiveness in a situation involving a crazed driver, or you might
become a road rage victim. In the same vein, think twice
before emphatically saying "no" to your boss. It might be career suicide. Use caution around
people who might be mentally unstable. In routine matters, though, stop
avoiding confrontations just because you're afraid of others' reactions. If
your wife keeps taking the sports car and you're always stuck with the minivan,
speak up and work out a compromise. Keep small irritants from needlessly escalating
into explosive arguments

 4- Start small

It might be easier to practice your assertiveness with a stranger,
as friends and family have come to expect a certain non-confrontational, meek,
wishy- washy brand of behavior from you. Overcome your reluctance to put your
needs first in less familiar situations. If your doctor prescribes a suspiciously large
myriad of medical tests, ask if they are really necessary. Don't placidly
accept a diagnosis without fully understanding it, or you'll find yourself
getting stressed about the worst-case scenario. Stop avoiding that panhandler
near your building because you resent all the money you've given him. Just look
him in the eye, wish him a nice day and don't feel guilty about your decision
to stop supporting him.

5- Be firm

In your confrontations, you always want to maintain a balanced reaction,
subdued yet steady. Clearly state what you want, need and expect. You don't
want to come off looking like a psycho. You're establishing a new behavior
pattern here, so people will be caught off-guard. If they try to cajole you and
insist that you're a pushover, don't fall for emotional blackmail. If your
roommate has friends over so often that you feel like a visitor in your own
place, stand your ground. Tell him you feel like you're back in college finding
the sock on the doorknob. If you don't express yourself, you cannot expect
others to change how they relate to you.

 6- Be persistent and resilient

Abandoning your formerly soft self won't be accomplished
overnight; you must constantly remind yourself to do these things in order to
effectively change your ways. People in your entourage will likely notice that
you're suddenly acting differently. After all, although you've been thinking
certain things for a long time, you've never voiced them. Don't let their
confused reactions dissuade you from your goals. Your girlfriend is chronically
late and you've long resented being made to wait. She needs to understand that
you expect her to respect your time and honor her commitments. Remember, in
addition to changing yourself, you're retraining other people on how to relate
to you. It won't always be easy, but if you focus on the benefits to your
emotional and physical health, you'll see
that it's worth it.

7- Change your surroundings

As a last resort, change your circle of friends, end an unhealthy
relationship or find a new job. If you can't get the respect you deserve from
someone because they persist in viewing you as a weakling, it's a relationship
not worth pursuing. When you meet new people, set the precedent from the
beginning. Now that you're conscious of the difference between being easygoing and
being walked all over, you can establish healthier interpersonal relationships.


Last Updated: January 24, 2012 at 1:05 am
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