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Bridesmaid Zillas


During the planning of my wedding I received a lot of advice and horror stories from other brides regarding the dredded "bride envy" that they encountered from their best friends.  I thought to myself, there is no way my relationship could possibly change with my best friends, they are happy for me, they are excited about being a part of my special day, there is no way in the world anything negative could possibly occur.

Unfortunately, subconsciously, your bridesmaids may hurt you or offend you, without even realizing that they're being negative, so I decided to write these rules for my fellow brides to share with their bridesmaid, or just be aware of.

5 simple rules 

1.  Under no circumstance should the bride be aware of any conflict amongst the bridal party. Never put the bride in a position to take sides, or offend anyone that was kind enough to agree to be in her bridal party.

2.  Never, ever, make a statement like "I can't wait for this day to be over so I can tell you what's been going on", or "I have to talk to you after this", that's as bad as telling the bride that there's conflict.

3. Be honest with your opinion, but not critical of the bride's choices. Remember that your specific taste does not matter, it's not what you would do, it's what the bride likes.  Under no circumstance should you use the term, tacky to describe any of the bride's choices. IF you see the bride is adamant about a specific choice (color etc.) be supportive, not critical. Think of the bride, not yourself.

4.  Keep in mind that wedding dresses are a very personal choice. Try to help the bride to find a dress that fits properly, without regard to the particular style, or your personal sense of style. Inevitably this is the bride's choice. All brides and bridal gowns are beautiful because it is a reflection of that bride's personal style. If you would not wear it is irrelevant.

5. Do what you're told. If you're asked to wear a specific color, accessory etc. do so without comment or negative commentary.  Anything you say adds undue stress to an already stressful situation. The bride has a specific vision for her wedding, you are part of that vision.

Planning a wedding is stressful, even for the most mild mannered, even tempered bride. Don't be offended if the bride has no time to cater to your individual needs or concerns. Keep in mind she is focused on every aspect, every detail of the wedding.  Off as much assistance as you can, and be honest if there is something you can't do.  Most brides have the best intentions, and genuinely want the experience to be pleasant for ALL involved. If there is ever a time to be self centered its during the planning of your wedding, so try not to judge the bride if she's saying repeated "this is my special day". Until your plan a wedding of your own, you will never fully understand that concept. It IS ALL ABOUT THE BRIDE, it's not an ego trip, it's the one moment we have in life where it is ok to be self centered.  

Now I was careful to say self centered, not selfish. All brides should be considerate of their bridal party's financial status, schedules etc. It is our special day, but we must be reasonable with our expectations of others when it comes to financial commitment, and time commitment.

That said, go out there with an open mind. Refrain from judgment and criticism. Remain thoughtful and helpful.

Happy planning.


Last Updated: December 20, 2011 at 8:10 am
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