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Family and Weddings – How to Fight Fair


Planning a wedding is stressful - not just for you, but for everyone involved.  There's so much to do and everyone wants the day to be absolutely perfect.  The trouble usually starts when you begin to realize just how many different views of wedding day perfection there can be!

Common Causes of Wedding Conflict

Stress, fatigue, and anxiety will be to blame for a big portion of your wedding planning strife.  Unless you're an extremely lucky girl, you'll also encounter those dreaded moments when in-laws, parents, and couples just can't agree.  These situations can be trying and tough to resolve, but if you just ignore it, it usually only gets worse.

The most common disagreements center on:

  •  The ceremony.  From the wedding style to the type of lettering on the invitations, there will be elements of the ceremony that don't please everyone.  The date and time of the wedding, the location, the officiant, and even the colors may be things not everyone can agree on.

  • The reception.  The menu, the music, the cake, and occasionally the traditions are the center of many family arguments over wedding plans.

  • The bridal party.  Your mom may think you've chosen too many attendants and your fiancé's mother may be upset that little Susie isn't the flower girl.

  • The guest list.  It's either too long, too short, or missing someone important - it's quite common to have some heated debate over the guest list.

  • The budget.  Especially when parents are funding the affair, the budget is usually the biggest cause of strife during wedding planning.  Monetary concerns can still create some controversy, even when you and your groom are footing the bill.

Fighting Fair Without Giving Up Your Dreams

The most important thing to remember is that your mother doesn't really want to ruin your wedding and your future in-laws are not set on destroying you before you can say ‘I do'.  Everyone has their own opinion and the rest of your family is truly trying their best to help.  When you ignore their concerns and dismiss their ideas, it can lead to hurt feelings and even more negative emotions - this is not the sort of thing you need just before you begin your new life with your fiancé.

Choose your battles before fighting over your wedding plans.  Personal tastes and preferences should be left up to the bride, plain and simple.  Colors, types of flowers, styles, and music typically fall into this category.  When a more justified reason is the basis for the protest, take the time to listen, discuss, and make compromises.  If your future mother-in-law thinks the seafood menu is a bad idea because her mother is allergic to fish, changing the selection or making arrangements for alternate choices would be a good idea.

It's your special day - but keep in mind, your family's involvement is just as important as it is frustrating so remember to fight fair.  Deal with planning disagreements calmly and with an open mind.  You can't please everyone but you should do your best not to offend anyone. 

Last Updated: December 10, 2008 at 11:08 am
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