FI and I are planning a DW to Jamaica. We are also planning an AHR 3 weeks after we get back from the honeymoon. It will be a full reception as it would have been if we were getting married in our city.

My mom says to me a couple of days ago that she is concerned what people's responses will be. She says she thinks people will be offended and think they were just invited for a gift and that she has heard that complaint from people who've attended an AHR. I don't know how true that is or if some of it was an exaggeration.

My thought is this, though no one is required to give anything to anyone in any wedding scenario, it is pretty standard that gifts are given. I've never been to one wedding or seen or heard of any weddings where there were no gifts. I say this to say, I don't think anyone will be thinking that. I could be wrong, but I feel like they would think, "we would've gotten them a gift anyway." I just don't see this being as big a deal as she's making it out, but now I'm worried about how should I word the invites? What if people do get upset? etc.

How do I word invitations? Is it true that everyone who's invited to the AHR should be invited to Jamaica even though we know most of them won't be able to come? I have read that DW's are meant to be more intimate affairs and that you don't have to nor are expected to invite the whole world. What do I do?

I wish I had an answer, but I can really only say that I have the same question. I can tell you what our thoughts on it are at this point though.

I know that FI has alot of family that is going to be really unhappy about our kind of running away to get married. We really want to do this as just the 2 of us. I'm not sure that I feel comfortable inviting people to a big reception when I didn't invite them to the actual ceremony. So, we're thinking about just doing a big informal party. We want to go to Hawaii, so we were even thinking of having a backyard luau at his parent's house. I feel like having it this way makes it feel less like a formal reception where we're just going after gifts, and more like we really want to share our happiness with all the people we love. As such I feel like people won't feel obligated to bring gifts. We're certainly not going to register anywhere. I know this won't work for you if you really want that formal reception, but I just thought I'd share our plans and perspective.