I'm so frustrated with our financial situation right now!  My FI is not working-lost his business.  We are planning a wedding, but paying for it ourselves.  We are both older...I'm 39 and he's 45 and I really want to have kids but have had 2 mc.  I have many reproductive issues, blocked fallopian tubes, hormonal imbalance, low progesterone, blah blah blah so I know I will HAVE to have IVF.  I'm starting to freak out because I don't know how we're going to pay for wedding bands, a wedding, honeymoon, and then IVF. I'm a teacher and we're living on my salary right now. :-(  I need to win the lottery!  I'm feeling like I need to decide between having a wedding or a baby at this point because of my age I do not have time to wait and save up $$.  I feel like it's now or never.  I would be sad if I didn't have a wedding, but I would be heartbroken if I never had kids.  I just don't know what to do...any advice? 

wow this is a tough one.  You certainly don't want money to be the stumbling block to your dreams.  I don't know how far you've gotten in your wedding plans.  Are you able to scale back and have it be a more intimate affair for just your closest friends and family?  I would definitely say have a small wedding and honeymoon (maybe just a weekend away) and use any money you get from the wedding for your IVF.  I'm sorry this is such a simple response.  Being a teacher myself I know your limited budget.  Are you able to participate in any after school clubs or functions that might get you a couple extra bucks?  I run an after school homework club and get paid $400 bucks for being the coodinator for the year.  Not much but its something.  I would also imagine your fiance will soon find another job.  Might not be his dream job, but if your goals are his goals, he won't let them slip away by being a bum. 

Thanks.  Yes, maybe I can get a second job and just have a simple wedding.  It seems like when it rains, it pours!

I would definitely go for the kids.. You can have a little ceremony and then have a party to celebrate with all your friends. A little baby would defintely be worth the money! =)

I am 34. I have had two failed cycles of IVF. It is likely that I won’t have babies of my own. But that’s kind of ok now because I know that I tried everything I could and it’s just that my life will take a slightly different path to that which I had imagined.

I think you just need to ask yourself in ten years time, how will you feel if you don’t have children and you never know whether IVF would have worked because you couldn’t afford to try having spent all your savings/cash on a wedding.

You will be with your FI for the rest of your life and will have so many occasions to celebrate your love for one another. I have been through the trauma of IVF and you really need to have everything working for you.

For what it’s worth, don’t leave yourselves too broke to try IVF. It’s a horrible process but if it works, surely it’s worth the financial, emotional and physical pain.

I say get married and have whatever ceremony you can afford given the potential costs of the next stage in your lives. There will always be another opportunity to renew your vows or celebrate becoming a family in the future. Good luck!

Thank you jamie and Pops.  It became much clearer when you said to ask yourself how you'd feel 10 years from now if I didn't try IVF sooner and if that would have made the difference.  I think I have one year tops and then maybe IVF won't even work so that is an excellent point. I need to do all that I can right now.  I know that I will have kids whether I have to adopt or get an egg donor.  But, I need to do everything I can to have one naturally if that's possible.  I just get so bummed when I think about other girls who get the dream wedding, dream honeymoon and get pregnant the minute they go off birth control.  Guess I should've thought of this when I was younger. :-(

Thought I better say there is nothing wrong with having a dream wedding and getting pregnant the minute you go off birth control...I'm just jealous of those fertile gals!!