any other uptight brides out there?? =(

so, FI and i fought about his bachelor party AGAIN last night...  seriously, i just want that weekend to be over with..  i had accepted pretty much everything that was going to go down that weekend, until i realized that if/when they go to a strip club, he's probably going to get a lap dance, because his friends will probably all get him one, and what is he going to do- turn it down??

anyway, i don't want to be an uptight bride, i keep thinking about the hangover with ed helm's girlfriend where he has to lie to her about vegas and tells her that their going wine tasting in napa.  and she tells him not to forget his rogaine.  *sigh..  i don't want to be her.  but the thought of another girl all up on him make me want to puke.  i know it's just one night/weekend and it's this guy thing that i clearly don't understand...

anyway, i know that i even have the option of telling the Best Man that i don't want them to take him there, but i think that is equally bad because then i am again the lame @ss bride who can't let her FI have any fun.  ugh.

If you're that uncomfortable with it, say something to the Best Man.
I can understand you not wanting him to get a lap dance... maybe let him know how you feel and say you're okay with a strip club, just not a lap dance?

Yuck, that must be a gross feeling.  :(  I would feel the same way!  Does your FI know you feel like this??

I feel you there sweetie, My FI has a groomsman who wants to get revenge for the bachelor party that FI threw him (or at least had a big hand in).  From what I know they had not one but three strippers over at their house, there was a ton of drinking going on, and then there's a bunch that even FI won't tell me about.......sigh.......I think in my case it's going to be inevitable, but my consolidation is that he would enjoy a lap dance from me 10000000000000000 times more than he would from a random stripper.  It makes me gag too when I think about it, but compared to you there is no one who is as beautiful and sexy to your FI as you are.  I'm guessing the reason that he fights you back on it is because he knows that there is no one who could ever compare to you, and doesn't see why you should doubt yourself.  I hope this was at least a little bit helpful, best wishes to you sweetie and happy Thursday!

Honestly?  I would let it go unless you want to live your entire marriage this way.  You can't control what he does at work or out at any other time, too.  I say this as a recovered uptight girlfriend. ;o)

When I met my husband, he was actually still sorta in another relationship and even though he broke up with her and chose me (she was in Germany and NOT coming home so this started their breakup anyway..) I was still completely obsessed with her and any other woman he met. It drove me crazy for about two years. It took a while but I learned to relax and realize he chose ME.

Let's look at it from two perspectives:

A) he is completely devoted to you and has only real love for you.  He has fun with his friends and never crosses a line that jeapordizes his commitment. You go crazy on him and don't trust him and it causes serious issues with you through out your relationship/marriage.

B) He is a dog that will do anything he wants to anything he wants.  You don't want to be in a relationship with someone like that and you don't trust him for good reason.

Which scenario does your FI fit?  If it's A, then get some counseling and talk to someone - with him or without him- to get past it.  I did!

*sigh, i know, he keeps telling me that it's just a night out with the guys, and i know that he doesn't want to seem lame in front of his friends, and he says that he loves me more than anything and that he respects me, etc.  and he gave me the option to talk to the groomsmen. 

however, i also am worried that even if i say something to them, they will go ahead and do all that anyway, and just swear everyone to secrecy, which is definitely worse to me.

I agree, there would be that lingering thought in your mind, which would most certainly drive both of you crazy.  I would foccus on doing something really fun and outside of the box with your girls, tell your FI what your plans are and then arrange an actual date where you and FI get together and laugh about all of the crazy shennanigans...it could actually be fun talking about strippers with stretch marks and chip n'dales that were so greasy and dripping with oil that they left a stain on your dress.....erm.....OK maybe that would be bad, but in any case, try to make light as much as you can, you will feel so much better about it.

I guess I do not undestand why you would have to speak to the best man or a groomsman.  Your FI knows how uncomfortable you are with the lap dance so he should tell his frends that he will not do this.

I personally, do not care if my FI gets a lapdance I just don't need any private parts on his face or anything remotely nasty like that lol.

Perhaps you can have a girls night out the same night?

I'm totally uptight and tend to be super jealous - I know, totally not cool. But I'm allowed to be as jealous as I want in my head, as long as I don't let all of that crazy out.  I don't want to think about what happens at the bach party, so I try not too.  I will not be that controlling bride, so I gave the best man the go ahead on most things.  Strip club - fine. Lap dances - fine. NO hookers for ANYONE at the party and no private room "favors" of any kind. FI went to a bach party where the groom himself was paying for favors - disgusting.  Honestly, the best man thought I was awesome and super laid back.  I did tell him that just because I was cool with it going down, does not mean I wanted to see any of it after the fact in pictures or hear any stories.  I cannot control what they do, and I can't put a stop to what is essentially a right of passage in our culture.

I agree, let it be and try not to let it bother you too much. It is ONE night and you guys have the rest of your life. You don’t want to tarnish it with jealousy over girls that he isn’t going to be interested in anyway. Strippers (I apologize in advance for how demeaning as this comment is going to sound, but cant think of a better way to put it) are eye candy and play things for the guys that go. It doesn’t mean anything. They are doing a job and probably have zero interest in the guys there either. Hopefully you wont stress all night while he is gone (I recommend you have your bachelorette the same night so that you will be otherwise occupied) and then you move on from it all.

Cheer up and remember that what your feeling is normal and your not the crazy bitch from the hangover that obviously had WAY more issues than just a bachelor party. Good luck ♥