My BF is frustrated and doesn't know what to do.  She really loves her boyfriend and they talk of getting married often (been dating for 2 years) but he has yet to get a divorce from his ex (been separated for almost 4 years) and even though he tells her he wants to marry her, he has not made any moves get the process rolling.  She's baffled as to why he won't file for divorce.(He's told her on numerous occasions that he's going to file)   

She is frustrated.  She has a time line and wants to get married within the next two years but feels it's just that, a want on her part.  She recently told him that she doesn't want to talk about getting married anymore.

What would you do if you were in her shoes?

If she has any ANY respect for herself, she would walk away from him.

"He's just not that into her"

He is honestly stringing her along and we've all seen it before.

She needs to seek therapy because this will be hard but I've been there before.

I've now got my prince and she will, too if she starts the journey now to find herself.

I agree with Doolittle.  Your BF's boyfriend just doesn't care.  If he did, he would have filed a loooong time ago, and it sounds like he may still have a thing for his Ex.  Who would stay married to someone that they apparently no longer love - unless they still love them?  I sure wouldn't. 

I'm sorry for your BF, but she needs to move on from this jerk.  We've all been here before, it took me a looooong time to get over the jerk in my life, but I moved on and found my FI who is a million times the man my ex was! 

Doolittlebride~  I've told her that too, but she swears that he's told her that he loves her. Says he loves her more than she knows and that he feels blessed to have her in his life etc.  What's the deal?  

Okay, that's 2 for 2 saying he doesn't care... I hate to see her go through this and I know he's told his friends that he loves her and his family too and says she is the first he's dated since his breakup that he's introduced to his family members and brought around his children.  Why would he do her this way, do you think it's because he knows she wants to get married again?   He says he does too, though.  What gives?  I hate seeing her like this and watching from outside...it's frustrating.

It's a harsh reality.  I wasn't even dealing with a married man but just one that couldn't commit to marraige.  It's what I wanted [marriage] so staying in the relationship meant giving up on MY NEEDS.  IF she wants to be in a committed, monogamous, married relationship and this guy cannot give that to her then she is the one hurting herself.  I say this because I had to learn this myself.  Can't go blaming the other person if you keep hanging around waiting for them to change.  You move on. Period.

And I also don't say it like this because I think it's as easy as typing it.  I say it out of the extreme pain it caused me for FIVE years of my life.  Well, actually make that ten. We were together for 5 and it took me about 5 years to get over him - after we broke up - and move on.

Him being married makes this even worse.  He KNOWS he is not leaving his wife (for whatever reason, it doesn't matter for this discussion since this is about your friend really and not him).  Your friend is delusional due to his leading her on and it's so terrible, sad, and tragic how many women this happens to!  I'm a strong independant woman and it happened to me!

She also may never listen to you.  She may have to come to this decision on her own. But you can certainly counsel her on your own feelings of the matter.

what a schmuck! yeah i agree with the rest of the girls... he doesnt care... obviously if he really does, he would have done it in a heartbeat. sorry to say... im sure he does care for your BF but not enough to do what's right to marry her! =( maybe a part of him is telling him that he needs to hold onto that marriage because it might, JUST MIGHT, come right back up and he's just ready for it. ehh.. what a jerk.. i'm sorry!

Not only does he not care, he's putting a wall up by not divorcing the other lady. He'll always have an excuse not to fully commit.

Okay, update.   So my BF had a talk with her BF (we had a looooong phone conversation today) and this is what she thinks is happening.  She expressed her frustration over the divorce not getting done. And he in turn told her that he just didn't think it was that big of a deal because he has been separated from her for so long.  He told her that he is not emotionally attached to her any more and feels nothing for her except for caring about her because she is the mother of his kids. 

Background:  His ex has boyfriend who she's been with for over 3 years. So apparently she has moved on too.

She also told him that without that divorce it seems their relatinship is at a standstill, and can't move forward. (Like I said they have talked of marriage before)  He told her it'snot like he does not want to marry her, because he does.  He told her if he wanted some fly by night relationship he could 

He admitted that he is procrastinating and he isn't sure but he thinks another reason he has not gone forward with it is because he's afraid of what his ex will do in court re child support etc.  He doesn't want to get screwed and is afraid to "rock the boat" so to speak.

My BF says that everything is cool between them (her BF and his ex) and that she understands the part of him being afraid she may turn on him, but they (BF and ex)have spoken about it, so she knows he wants a divorce.  

He also says that he just doesn't have the money right now to file.  My BF mentioned a waiver for the payment.  He says that he'll look into it. (now, it's a matter of when?!!!)

To wrap this up, she says she feels better about the talk, but is still a little hesitant to believe he will file anytime soon.  She is thinking of giving him a deadline.

This has really been hard for me to listen to because he seems like a great guy, he treats her wonderfully and I'm not ready to give up on him (I have not told her that though). She has to come to terms with what she is willing to put up with.

But if she has moved on and him and the ex are on ok terms, why would that rock the boat?