depression and marriage

So we are 39 days away from the big day :)
But I'm not excited.
I've struggled with depression for a long time. Even before I knew what it was. But when I met Kyle I was really happy for the first time ever. Everyone noticed a difference. I got called healthy, happy, comfortable in my own skin. Such high compliments for someone who struggled for so long to get out of bed each day. And slowly slowly slowly the symptoms have surfaced one by one by one. Again. I'm crying whenever no one is around. I feel weighed down and scared all the time. I'm tired but I can't sleep. I'm hungry hbut nothing satisfies. And I'm snappy and irritated with FI all the time. Picking fights. And everyday I'm just making myself hate me even more. I can see it in his eyes he loves me but he doesn't know what's wrong or how to help. The closer we get the more stressed I get the more the depression surfaces. I cant seem to make it stop. All I want is to be married to him and make him happy. To have a life side by side. I know he won't leave and I won't either. But its just hard right now. I don't want to be like this but every dollar we have goes in to the wedding after all the financial setbcks we've had I can't go shell out the 150 dollars for the counseling sessions I know I need. Idunno I'm just scared ill never get better and ill always be a burden to him. I guess I just really need some encouragement ladies.

First of all, big hugs to you.

Second of all, I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. Depression is an illness and you can't blame yourself for it.

As a psychologist, I would said that even thought money is an issue, you need to ask for help if you feel that you're struggling again with depression. It's tricky and before you notice it, it can get a lot worse and have bad consequences :(. Even if you're not going to counseling, do you have any phisician you could talk with? Maybe he could give you something to start with, the time that your finances get back to normal?

And being 39 days before your wedding probably doesn't help. Stress is a big precursor of depression so try to take some time for you and delegate to diminish the stress. And even though I'm sure you don't feel like doing this right now, exercise is very very good for helping with this symptoms.

And in any case, you have to talk to someone close to you if you ever feel really really bad! And we'll be here on PW to listen to you as well.

You're gonna make it sweetie. Take care of yourself. xxx

Awe hun, if you ever need someone to talk to you have all of us PW gals!!

I am a nursing student, doing my rotation on a psych unit right now so depression is something I see people struggle with almost every day. As well, I myself have struggled with it. 

As pavez said, stress is a huge precursor so some of the stresses of being 39 days out can really set off depressive symptoms. The biggest thing we try to implement on our unit for people with depression is a normal sleep routine. Going to bed at the same time, getting up at the same time. It can seem like such a small thing but having control over your sleep schedule can help put more control back in to your life. 

Are there things that you can identify as your major stressors, or triggers at this point? If so you can try and think about them and come up with strategies to face them. Again, this is a control thing. 

Have you considered going on anti-depressants? I know it is a huge decision, but just remember that you are not a depressed person. You are a person suffering from depression. Going on medications is stigmatized to be such a terrible thing but it is not. There are some wonderful medications on the market and it is not a sign of weakness to admit that there is something out of your control and that there are things you can do to make yourself feel better. (Not saying you think this way but I see people everyday that do and I find it so sad that there is such a stigma around mental illness).

If you ever need anyone to talk to I am only a PM away. I hope you start to feel better soon, and if there is anything I can do please please please do not hesitate to contact me!

I agree with pavis, you need to talk to someone...maybe have a sit down with FI, tell him your sorry for lashing out, but explain to him what your going threw and how hard it is to control...maybe he can help to defuse an episode before it escalates if hes more aware of your condition. I have struggled with depression and anxiety my entire life...bipolar,borderline,manic depression  and clinical depression all run in my family ...DH is aware of my chemical imbalance ,most of the time he can tell when something is going on,but if he can't ,I tell him and he is pretty good about calming me down..holding me tight and telling me to take deep breaths when I lash out, cry and hyperventilate ect. Im sure your fi can help you threw this,if he knows whats going on with you. The stress of planing a wedding is enough to put a  completely balanced person on edge, so I can imagine its very difficult  for you...I know it was for me, but your day is around the corner and when it arrives just enjoy it, think about marrying your love and how you wont have to plan anymore after :) that should be a big weight off your shoulders.I truly hope you start feeling better soon.Big HUGS!

I too suffered from depression.  This took place after highschool.  There were days when i could not get out of bed.  I got help.  Talking to someone and meds helped me get out of depression.  I suffer from an anxiety disorder and have to take meds for that now.  One thing that helped me was telling myself daily that no one time in life is permanent.  This time shall pass.  I really do suggest talking to someone.  Remember how good you felt during good times.  Hope for this to come in the near future.  Do things that make you happy.  I had to switch colleges, quit my job, and take people out of my life.  I do things now to make me happy.    

I too have suffered depression and I know how it feels and FI know all about it cause he been through a fair amount of it with me. I agree with the other ladies see if you can talk to someone about it and maybe you need to talk to FI about it so he's know whats going on.

You should focus on the good even thought being 39 days away from a wedding can be very stressful. You need to take some time out for yourself aswell.Sending love and hugs your way and all the PW ladies are here for you oxox

Count me in also, I battle depression mine came when both my parents passed away. I have even tried suicide, but the stress of a wedding can really set it off. I agree  with all the other ladies. Do you have a doctor? and if so can you talk to he/she?  Is there anyone helping you? Maybedelegating some of the task on your to-do list to others can give you an opportunity to just take care of you.

*BIG hug*  I think these lovely ladies are onto some really good advice.  Your mental/emotional well being comes above anything else, even if your wedding is 39 days away.  And I'm sure your FI would agree to that as well.  If anything, talk to someone and share your situation, how you're feeling and all the symtoms.  The most important thing is that you're OKAY, first and foremost.  <3

{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}

I have suffered from and am now in recovery from BiPolar Disorder. 3 years symptom free.This is a kind of Depression that then cycles into wild Highs of euphoria. I would cycle 3 to 4 times a year So, I do have a small idea of what you are going through.

I have a question for you,  Have you thought about marrying him NOW?

I am not saying not to have your party, but rather get the LEGAL marriage part done and Then you can just have FUN on the wedding day. You can even do the whole vows again, just make sure the priest knows that he does not need to submit to the state. That way the pressure is off?

As a person who has to be VERY careful with stress and trust me this is hard, I AVOID anything that will cause it, That includes worrying about details!

When I got married 20 years ago I was also going through depression. I just used this method: KISS! Keep It Simple Silly  and it Solves everything.

I used guide lines so that way nothing would disappoint me. I did not plan I just let things happen. I then worked around those things.

Also, I am not sure where you live BUT Peer Support Centers ARE all over the country and they are FREE or VERY low Cost. I am a member of one in Southern New Hampshire and I would be happy to help you research ones in your area. They are about support through group experience. They do not medicate and they do not treat. They are there to help and offer an ear and suggestions.

The biggest thing you need to know is that you are NOT ALONE! So many of us have been there and still so many more who suffer in silence. You don't need to. Also, please talk to your Husband to Be. I am sure he is scared. I realize that this is probably difficult, but if you keep the lines of communication open now, they will always be open in the future.

Again Big Hugs to you and I promise you will be at 20 years in a blink of an eye.

We are at 20 years and are still trying to figure how time got by us. Our oldest is now preparing for the military and our youngest is in grade 6. I was only 19 and he was 22 when we first said I do.

First of all, you have to understand why are you behaving in such a way? Is this something related to your family, career or something else..??? Sit and talk to your FI... ask for his support. As you don't want to spend money on counselling. Talk to your FI as much as you can. I am sure you both can find a way to deal with this problem. Try to remain happy. And don't convince yourself for being depressed.