Boo. This is the first month we're trying. I suggested we just DTD every other day, and I would temp. DH was all into it, he wanted to DTD everyday, and he asks about my chart everyday.

Well, here we are, CD18, and DH is going down hill... he can't, um, perform, making DTD impossible. The first 3 times I didn't say anything as I didn't want to hurt his pride, but come the 4th time I got upset. This has NEVER happened in the 3 years we've been together. I suggested we take this month off as obviously its causing him stress (even though he denies it), but he doesn't want to take this month off... BUT if we can't DTD obviously we can't TTC.

I know everyone will tell us to not "try so hard", but all we're doing is temping. I'm not using OPKs anymore, and he didn't even know what they are or that I was using them.

Bottom line, how do I get DH to losen up... when he's the one who suggested the DTD everyday plan??

hey hun. i'm so sorry this is happening! poor E! all i can think of is that its logical for men to get stage freight after so many years of associating DTD without protection as "risky" (for risk of pregnancy). i know DH was pretty freaked out too at first. his thought: omg this doesnt seem right, you could get pregnant! Then me: duh that's the point!

imagine in a guys mind. all these years they have this engrained: "dont get the girl knocked up don't get the girl knocked up." then bam, they have to switch gears completely and think "knock up the girl, knock up the girl." it makes sense to have some stage freight. i dont know what to tell you but maybe tell him that you'd like a couple of months of practice before you really make a baby (while you secretly make sure it happens around "o" time). that way he'll focus on enjoying the practice and not think that this "performance" will potentially create his future child and freak him out? hang in there girly. this is temporary!

I agree to tell him you guys are just going to "practice" for a few months and make sure to DTD around O time! I hope this problems gets resolved for you guys soon!

totally ditto wildfire. there are some occasions where too much sharing btwn hubby & wife can be too much, you know?

maybe you don't need to include him so much in your charting ; )

I agree with the ladies.  i think he though DTD every day would be SO AWESOME you know? Then its like he's pressured to perform EVERY night.  Maybe try the every second day route but dont make it a chore, you still need to keep the fun!  Try different places or whatever to keep it exciting!

You dont want to go to bed every night and say, oh ya, I guess we better do this.  You could also say to him, ok, lets just see what happens this month and not be too agressive after all its our first month.  That may take some pressure off!

Im sorry to hear that. I agree with the ladies above. However it is easier said than done. My DH is acting similar to yours, has been for the past few months. It isn't that he "can't" perform but he avoids it all together more now.

Hope the feeling passes for him quickly and you are back on the road to TTC quickly!

I know exactly how you feel since I've been in the same situation since December.  My DH wasn't finishing the job so-to-speak either, which was really frustrating to me, but I never said anything to him because 1) I didn't want to put more pressure on him and 2) I didn't want him to get discouraged and give up.  We're still having issues off and on, but I try and make things more fun and about US, not so much "baby-making".  Its a hard situation to be in, I know! 

Thanks for the input ladies.

To "fix" the situation I told a little white lie. I told DH I am not charting anymore, so I have no idea where in my cycle I am. Then I asked him if he wanted to DTD just because, and not with the purpose of TTC.

Magically, things worked fine. I am still charting, but if he thinks Im not, then he won't be asking me about it, and won't know when its important to DTD, hopefully taking some stress off of him.

good idea. :) glad your little white lie took the pressure off him. what he wont know wont hurt him :)

I am glad things got fixed. The cycle that we TTC, I didn't say anything about baby, charting, temping, or OPT. It worked like a charm.