Hi everyone. It's so nice to find a group of ladies that understand the anxiety of waiting. My boyfriend and I have been together 3 1/2 years and have been living together for half of that time. I've been getting my hopes up for a ring since we looked at rings 8 months into the relationship. I'll be 31 next month and he is 31. He originally told me we'd have an October 2011 wedding so when October 2010 came and went with no proposal I was really upset. Our 3 year anniversary was next in November and still nothing. I lost it. He apologized for saying a date and getting my hopes up. His excuse is always money and not feeling financially secure. He's very slow with everything. When I met him he was looking to buy a house.....3.5 years later no house. We are renting and that is another frustration of mine. At first I thought he wanted the house first so I was being patient but then he just stopped looking all together. He wants more money. We aren't the type to live check by check...we both have money saved but he wants a year emergency fund.

I appreciate that he's careful and responsible but we aren't getting any younger and need to live too! We both want 2 kids and I wanted them a few years apart but at this rate that may not be a possibility. He knows I'm planning and am obsessed with wedding sites and tv shows. He keeps saying soon and to not give up on him. I don't want to leave him because I know he loved me but the insecurity still hits me...what is he really scared of? What is wrong with me to give him second thoughts?

It's really hard seeing friends get engaged before me and have been in shorter relationships. I'm in two weddings this summer and both friends have been with their fiances for half the time of me and my boyfriend. I know you can't rush somebody and everybody is different but men don't get how hard not knowing your future is. I've been in long relationships before and hurt and I'm always worried about him leaving me when he keeps me waiting. The anxiety is torture....I don't sleep well. I just wish he would get it over with! I would have been fine with a long engagement but he doesn't see the point. I feel like he won't propose until he's ready to walk down the aisle the next day. Men don't get how long it takes to plan.

I thought for sure it would happen on new years eve since he took me on a dinner cruise in NYC and i've always wanted to get engaged near or on the Brooklyn bridge but no ring! So now I have no clue when it will be. I just hope it's before the two weddings this summer...else I'm afraid they will just depress me more.

Thanks for reading my book lol!

I know exactly how you feel, EVERYONE is getting engaged or having babies around me and of course they have all been in shorter relationships than mine. We will be 4 yrs in June and his excuse also is money. I understand u need money to live but u learn to live around the money u make.I always tell him, if u don't just DO IT than you never will. I'm hoping for a ring for our anniversary but im not getting my hopes up, i might just have to buy my own eventually. lol

                                     Emilie =)

Welcome, first of all :) this group is probably the best support group I had with my "waiting woes"

Hugs and good luck.

Thanks for the nice welcome.

Emilie I hope your ring comes soon....but don't buy your own! I think a lot of the hesitation from men is also the pressure they put on themselves to get the perfect ring and amazing proposal. I tell my bf all the time that I don't need an expensive ring or fancy proposal but I don't think he believes me.

Dorkmeetsnerd I talk to the bf a lot but unfortunately he's not great when it comes to talking about feelings. What I did get out of him was that he was a little scared....basically of his own failure. We both come from divorced families and neither one of us are really close to our fathers or siblings. The difference is his mother remarried and now that marriage is falling apart too. His sisters don't believe in marriage now so nobody ever asks about us or when he's going to propose. He grew up thinking marriage doesn't work and he's scared. I don't know how many times I can say you won't know if you don't take a chance. You can't go through life thinking what if? We can't predict our futures and just because our parents got divorced it doesn't mean we will too. In his mind he has to feel secure with his finances and know he can support a family...one less hurdle to deal with.

He always says he's sure about us and me and to hang in there. I too thought about leaving...not for good though. Last month I talked to my mother about moving in with her for a little while. I wanted bf to see what it's like without the wifey because my other thought was that he was too comfortable. But then he told me to hang in there and that he has looked at rings. I don't know if that's the truth or just his way of keeping me around, but I'm giving him til august ( he doesn't know that ) and then I'm going to take some time to myself if it doesn't happen.

I saw a flyer for jewelery insurance in his office today. I'll take that as a good sign. Today is my birthday but he's working and gave me my card and gift this morning....yankee tickets for Sunday. I'm a big Yankee fan but I always said I didn't like proposals at a game so I doubt it's happening this weekend. Maybe if we go away for memorial weekend. I'm getting antsy!

Welcome! I just joined as well and am not engaged either. I know you feel about waiting! Everyone I know is getting engaged or married. But I think he will come around eventually, I have a feeling my boyfriend is going to take a while with the proposal also. You should begin coming up with ideas about what you want your wedding to look like so that you don't have to save all that planning until he decides to pop the question! Good luck!