FMIL drama..again..

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53 16 2

02/08/2012 at 09:17 pm

So my FI's parents are willing to help us with our wedding a little bit and giving us a 10k towards it, which we are both very grateful for. Well the other day my FI went to his parents asking for a little bit of the money for our reception hall. In the mence of their convo my FI mom told him maybe we should wait on getting married until work gets better and so on and so forth..remind you our wedding is in 6 months. Well I guess my FI got a bit of an attitude and said he was a big boy and he's going to do what he wants and knows what hes doing and so on and so forth. Well ever since then I felt some tension whenever im around her. And I know the past couple of days shes said smart remarks to my FI and of course he said some back...Well a couple mins ago while browsing the internet my FSIL messaged me saying that she thinks her mom feels left out of the wedding planning and that the only reason why she came to the reception place with us is because she wrote the check and her feelings are hurt and so on and so forth. And if i could please include her more...So im confused as all hell..excuse my french.. I mean she looked at every venue with us besides the one we picked, I invited her to go dress shopping but she was working. I mean my own mom hasnt even seen our reception venue. I told her what I was wanting to do with the centerpeices. Its like im getting pulled in two different directions. If my FI mom goes with us somewhere my mom feels out, and vice versa. Im just confused on how I can include my FI mom on stuff??

2065 108 9

wolfmaure

02/08/2012 at 09:29 pm

Oh man, that's a tough one. I don't have any advice since I've been walking around on pin and needles around FMIL for a few years. Thankfully all planning and payments are on us. I don't have to worry about including others more than I need to.

My heart goes out to you. I hope you find a solution and that it will all work out in the end. **HUGS**

1248 97 10

littlebit07

02/08/2012 at 09:37 pm

I think you should just sit her down, and have a nice conversation. Let her know that you really care about her, and don't want her to feel left out. Ask her what you could do to make her feel more included. I'm sure she'll let you know:) And you could always take both moms with you when you do wedding related things, so neither one feels left out? You're a lucky lady to have two special ladies in your life that want to be helpful and involved with your wedding!

53 16 2

kmeyer13

02/08/2012 at 09:52 pm

yeah i guess..its just hard because we all so busy and i live an hour away from my FI so with my mom we just run here or there when we get a break and with my FI we go on our appointments..and i may sound bratty but i mean when we go look at our vendors..its for us..its our time for our day and i like doing it solo with him ya know?

4061 235 13

Uhlease hostess

02/08/2012 at 10:23 pm

I do know what you mean about wanting to do things on your own, but I like littlebit's suggestion about asking FMIL what she wants to be most involved with-and try your darndest with that part at least. It's hard when you live far away, but b/c they are helping out with money, it would be nice to try to include her in some way. Maybe there's something she can help out with so she will feel involved? Something that you wouldn't mind relinqushing a little for her? Good luck!!! :)

15K 483 15

msdl hostess

02/08/2012 at 10:45 pm

I agree with Uhlease! I can see how it is easier to do things with our mom since she is right there in town with you. Maybe you can email your FMIL or call her weekly/monthly and give her an update on things. Are there any projects or activities that she can head up (and that you won't mind handing over?) Maybe if she is "in charge" of something, she will feel more involved and/or like she has a prominent role in everything. The wedding planning is kind of the start of your relationship with her as a family member, and also her transition period as the main caretaker for her son (so to speak). I think as long as you keep her in the loop, you are doing your part! Good luck! :-)

1248 97 10

littlebit07

02/08/2012 at 10:53 pm

It makes complete sense that you like to go with your FI solo to look at vendors. However, I personally feel that like it or not, when someone else is paying for what you're looking at purchasing, they should be included in the decision making process as well.

It is your special day, but when someone else is funding it, you do have a certain obligation to them. For instance, we are largely paying of our wedding ourselves. However, my mother generously offered to pay for my dress. I would never have dreamed of not taking her on the shopping trip, or not letting her have a say in the final choice.

It's a touchy situation! I hope that you and your FMIL can come to an understanding that benefits everyone:)

15K 374 13

carolinawedd.. hostess

02/09/2012 at 04:32 am

Ditto Uhlease and littlebit! It's hard to let people have a part in planning, and I was VERY weird about it. (I'm a bit of a Type A when it comes to certain things.) Maybe just call her up and ask if she can help you with something- there may be some small task she can do. Even just getting the guest list together for your FI's family- letting her know that there is a maximum number! There's also the rehearsal dinner, since that's traditionally thrown by the groom's family.

They're GIVING you $10,000 for your wedding, which is not helping a little bit; it's a lot of money. Understandably your FMIL has some expectations which may or may not seem reasonable at times. But she's family and sometimes as much as family may drive us crazy, we deal with it.

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FMIL drama..again..

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