Gender Disappointment**

I was reading someone's post about this topic last night on another site.

She currently has 3 boys, 1 girl and found out shes pregnant with a healthy baby boy. She was extremely disappointed. She expressed how she felt cheated and simply did not want another boy. She even said "I'm tired of boys...the sports, rough housing, messiness etc."  She wasnt happy at all.

Though I understand gender disappointment and do not judge anyone who has or will experience it. I felt sad and honestly a little angry with her statement. Not all girls are into being pretty, pink and fluffy. Just as not all boys are loud, messy and rough. Type casting an unborn child, a child who did not ask to be born, is so unfair! This boy doesn't have the fair chance with a mom like that which is really sad.

I also read about a different woman who found out she was having a boy, she was so distraught she went into therapy!

I know nothing about boys! I'm such a girly girl who grew up just knowing my first child was going to be a girl but God has blessed me with a boy. & I am so in love with him already I cant imagine having anything else right now.

What are your thoughts on this topic?

when the US tech told us we were having a girl, DH's face didn't even react.  he so badly wanted a boy and was not prepared for a girl.  it took about 15 minutes of him freaking out a little to get past it and start accepting it.  it took him at least a week to start getting excited about having a girl.

i think getting your hopes up about one gender or the other is dangerous for that exact reason!  its really hard not to though.

DH & I both thought we were having a boy and were shocked to find out it was a girl. I felt a little disappointed for DH but we have both grown to love the idea of a little girl. Then someone brought up the idea of the US being wrong. Though I know I'll love my child no mater what the gender, I think it'll take me a while to be okay with having a boy after all this time of planning for a girl.

I kind of get where some women are coming from.  Part of the reason both DH and I don't want to find out the gender is because we're both worried they'll tell us it's a girl (we both want a boy first really really bad) and that we'll feel disappointed and we both dont want to feel like terrible parents because we have that moment of sadness that it isn't a boy.  But I can't imagine feeling that way about it or having to go into therapy over it!  Isn't healthy the point??

Disappointment when you want one gender over another is natural to a certain extent... I do find it sad for her to 'voice' such disappointment in the manner she did. I mean, ususally we all have an initial preference, but I could NEVER imagine telling people how I feel cheated & I simply dont want another boy... Weird. She already has 1 girl, so its not like she is having ALL boys. Even in that case, its her sweet babies (boy or girl). I have a girlfriend that has 3 boys & she just found out that she is having ANOTHER boy & she couldnt be happier. Of course she wanted a girl, but now she has her broad of of little rascals!  

For me personally, I would have been equally happy with either one. But now that I know we're having a boy, I've been planning like we're having a boy so if later on I found out it's actually a girl I would feel a little disappointed at first, just cause I've already bonded with my son. But I'd still be overjoyed to just have a healthy baby no matter what the gender is, and I'd love it just the same. I can understand that some women feel a little disappointed cause they had a preference but to have to go to therapy is just a little extreme... Every woman needs to go into it knowing that it's a 50/50 chance.

I think if the US tech told us we were having a girl my DH would pass out. He couldnt handle a girl lol.

I truely understand having your hopes up for a specific gender, its really natural but to have such strong feelings toward the unborn child is so unfair :( She doesnt want him - how flippin' sad.

I knew from the beginning that our bambino was a boy.  From the moment I felt the first kick.  And I was right :)

That being said, for my whole life before I was pregnant, I thought I would have a girl first.  I didn't have a preference per-se, it's just always what I imagined.  We were SO HAPPY on the day of our gender reveal party, and that night I was still beaming.  But, nonetheless,  I cried a little to my husband before bed because we had to say goodbye to the idea of a little girl.  I had dreamed about a little boy, too, and nothing could shake my joy from that, but I had also dreamed about life with a little girl.  It almost felt like part of my dream had to die.  They both can't live on! (No twins over here, hehe!)  I feel like this is a very normal emotion and most couples go through this to some degree.

But at the end of the day, we are so joyful and blessed because our little boy is our little boy who we will love.  No matter if he is rough and tumble, sweet and quiet, sporty and playful, or bookish and nerdy (like my DH!).  Or any combination therein!

In the end, we are raising children.  That turn into adults.  That we wish to lead happy, beautiful lives.  If we lose sight of that, then I think we lose sight of what this is all about.

Hopefully that woman sees the light and finds joy in her child, not the gender.

Such a timely topic for me...and I LOVE your post, kblove :-) This part really struck me: 

"...we had to say goodbye to the idea of a little girl.  I had dreamed about a little boy, too, and nothing could shake my joy from that, but I had also dreamed about life with a little girl.  It almost felt like part of my dream had to die.  They both can't live on!"

I really think that perfectly describes what happens with anyone who might be dealing with disappointment. DH and I both have a feeling on our baby's gender, and I didn't want it to get to the point where we were planning that way (we still have 5-6 weeks to go until our gender u/s!) We decided to spend a week really focused on one gender, and then the next week on the other -- names, nursery themes, etc. It made us SO excited for both! So, to kblove's point...I think a tiny part of me will have to let go of the dream of the "other one" whenever we find out what we are having. There are so many wonderful things about having both a boy and a girl -- I would absolutely love to experience both! (Hopefully someday!) :-)

I agree with Debbie- kblove what you said was perfect explanation!