I'm not a fan of obey... I don't mind honor, but I agree with some of the other girls that love and respect does sound better.

we are doing our own vows so we wouldn't use the honor or obey.

I'm doing Honor and Obey! I think that is what I'm supposed to do; however, it's also what he's supposed to do. He knows that I honor him because I respect him and he respects me, I obey him because he asks me to do something and I do it... the same goes for him I ask him he does. It's all semantics!

I like love and respect too :D thanks for the post!!!

Wow how the tides have changed but I don't see the change helping us in this day and age with the divorce rate being so high. I am an evangelical lutheran and a God fearing woman and I could not take my vows without honor and obey. I absolutely believe in submitting to my husband to be and that does not mean I am a docile women. As I am called by GOD to submit he is called to love me such as Christ loved the church and with those two things we couldn't go wrong. I just joined this group today and the topic sparked my interest and just to let everyone know I am not on here to argue with anyone so please don't make it into one. Good day everyone. :)

Huh, I've always heard it "honor and cherish."  Maybe I come from a different tradition.  Or maybe I'm getting it mixed up (quite likely).

Nubianqueen, did you join the Christian Brides group? You should!

Nubianqueen, I sorta feel the same way. I never saw any reason to change that in my vows. I've always seen women get upset about the obey thing and truly never understood why.

Back to my friend, her wedding was beautiful! Yes she actually used the traditional honor and obey part in her vows and they wrote something special to each other. She felt that after all the fuss that if she was going to marry him, then that act alone was showing that she trust him with everything and the obeying doesn't make you a doormat or a subject. At her bridal shower she made the comment that she wanted a marriage like I have with my husband and when everyone left she asked me is it hard to obey, which I told her honestly no. I have no problems with it because I know who I married. He isn't this power crazed overbearing man who needs to be in total control. Her husband is cool and laid back like mine so of course she has no problems either.

I think in this day and age with the all mighty independant women who can do it all themselves and dont NEED a man, its easy to take a word like obey and think its chovenistic. But those who understand the Bible (and the intent) know that we are told to obey our husbands, but they are COMMANDED to love us the way Christ does. Both are hard to do and both goes against our human nature, to love someone more then you love yourself. Being married is WORK! Trust me I know, I've been married for 5 years. I think that if we know our roles clearly that it makes things easy. My role as his wife is to love him unconditionally, honor him in everything I do and to obey his wishes to the best of my ability. His role is to love me, protect me and to honor me in all his ways. Once people get that  (or whatever roles they make for their marriage) things are easier.

I think it's classic and I believe in honoring and obeying; God first and each other second.

It goes to vaules, morals, decisions that are best for each other and family, spiritual values, honering the good, the bad and the extremely wonderful and difficult to be there no matter what until we are no more on this earth.

Obeyin God's laws, our hearts, our souls, obeying the laws of marriage and each other if it's for the best.

I don't see honor and obey as something negative but basic truths in a foundation that shouldn't be built on just "love" but a rock that becomes a mountain to stand on together.

In addition I also truly respect those who feel that the word obey is used for animals. I can totally see that and I understand how someone with ill intent can abuse that one part of the marriage vows and forget everything else you promised to each other before God and witness. I stated in another group, by me being a vow renewal we are writing our own vows and this time around I don't know if I will be putting honor and obey in my vows or not. I just love seeing the different opinions! You girls rock:D

We're writing our own vows but then incorporating the traditional ones at the end. There is something very beautiful in saying the same words that countless generations of people have said at their marriages before ours.

At the same time, "obey" is not an option for us. Because we see each other as an absolute equal, neither has the ability to be in a commanding role. Everything we do is a partnership, which is why "respect" is so much more fitting. I would never tell FI what to do, nor would he tell me. We instead discuss, explain, and compromise. I am inclined to believe that what destroys marriages and leads to divorce is not the lack of obedience but the lack of honest conversation and an effort to compromise.