I posted this in another group and wanted to know your thoughts. Did you say honor and obey in your vows the first time? Do you plan on saying it the second time?

To answer my own question, because YALL know I don't always do(LOL), we are writing our own vows this time around. Not sure if the honor and obey will be in the new ones, but I did say it with no shame the first time.

Ok, we wrote our own vows as well. There was no "honor and obey" in the vows. I know a lot of people have no prob with that phrase, but me personally, I will not obey. I am not a dog...lol..I mean no disrespect to those who have no prob with that phrase, but it wasn't for me. I have NO prob with the "honor" part. Just the "obey" part.

So do you think its the word obey and not the intent behind it or do you think its that some people think that a man hears that and he will treat you subservient?

The word obey means to carry out or comply to a command. The meaning of the didn't sit well with us. I can only comment on how DH and I feel about the word. For us, when we hear the word "obey" we think of animals and how you teach your animal to obey you. To do what you want. That's just how we see the word and therefore, we opted no to have it.

Like I said, I mean no disrespect for those men and women who feel they should use that word or want to use that word. It just wasn't for us. I am Catholic, so I know that is part of our and alot of other religions vows for weddings, but not for us.

It like anything else is just a personal preferce. Some see it as no big deal and just tradition. Others see it like I do. I just say if it makes the couple happy to use the word, then they should. :0)

Yea Ive seen both sides of the issue. I just always wonder for those who absolutly refuse even if their spouse wants the tradional vows is there another reason. Ive heard of men changing after the vows and wondered if it had something to do with the word "obey". I get your point though.

Thats a big negative....The day I obey is the day hell freezes over...LOL Im not a feminist, but that word just screams 1700's property.

I didn't wrote my vows, I read the regular one you hear in every ceremony and the pastor were very through...at any moment he mention those words.