TheDame--I was in the same boat you are...my mom loves me but was very uninterested in my wedding plans. Just kind of "ho-hum", "very nice dear".... but I didn't take it personally because I know that she has issues with marriage that have absolutely nothing to do with me. That said, she had a wonderful time at our wedding and loved everything I did.
It was tough on me at first...my DH on the road and my mom checked out, I was really on my own. My BFF was engaged at the same time too, but her wedding was first, so she was in her wedding la-la land. Once I got over it, I embraced the solitude and was happy to plan the whole thing myself. Once DH came home, he was very excited and supportive too.
For those of you who are having a tug-o-war with your moms. This is part of the process of detaching from your parents and preparing for your "new" family with your husband. Some parents have a tougher time of it than others. I also suspect that the younger you are (early 20's, let's say) the tougher it is for them. I am 33 and a newlywed, but detached from my parents about 10 years ago. BY detaching I mean, evolving the relationship from that of parent-child to more of a friendship. They're still my parents, but they no longer are "parenting" me. I hope I am making sense.
Anyway, some advice....TALK, TALK and TALK some more. If you feel that your mothers are living vicariously through you, you need to nip it in the bud. Also, did their mothers take over their wedding plans? If so, they might feel like it's their turn now with their own daughter. Some of it can be cultural. And, unfortunately, when they are paying for all or part of it, they feel entitled to excercise control.
One tip I give all my brides...if your parents and/or families are contributing to paying for the wedding, get the money upfront. Put it in a Wedding Account and then be responsible for sticking to the budget and paying for everything from that fund. That way you avoid the whole "I don't want to pay for THAT!" or "Since I am paying, I want THESE". Also just as ost brides go into sticker shock in the early stages of planning so do parents. Even more so, since they're not really doing the research. So they hear $1K for a cake and freak out! Or the opposite...mom hears that your planning a picnic-in-the-park reception and decides she'd rather spend the money on the banquet room at the nearest hotel.
So if your folks pledge $5K...ask that they make deposits to your account or write one big check. Then, as the process happens, you can share your plans/vision. Or not. It's up to you. If you have someone in your life that is a complainer and cannot be happy for you, no matter what you do, I wouldn't share much of your planning with them. It will only lead to strife. For what it's worth, I have seen this time and again, the MOST difficult family member (MOB, MOG, SIL, whomever) during the planning process is USUALLY the most proud of the plans on the wedding day. I don't know why, but I swear, 90% of the time, this is the case.
Hang in there!
