How much input is too much?

Hi ladies,

One of my close friends is getting married in March. It started out as a destination wedding in Florida, changed to a ceremony and reception at local park in Detroit, two weeks ago they were eloping and as of today she is having ceremony in Warren, Michigan and reception in June. Two days ago she decided to get married on March 12, which is a Tuesday because this is her and FI's birthday. She said the time was 5:30 and I was thinking great, will give me time to get home by 4:30, change and me and Cale leave out at 5:00 to be there at 5:30. I asked her what were they doing afterwards, and she said she had no idea, but then said someone suggested all who wanted to attend go to an italian restaurant Maggiano's and we would have to pay for our meal. Cale fussed about this because he said that was in poor taste to ask your guest to pay for their own food, but conceded.

I just received a text that the time changed to 5:00. I am like huh? What place lets you change time like that so close to your date, but I tell her I probably won't be able to attend because I don't get off work until 4:00 and Warren, MI is not close to where I work. I ask her why did she change the time and she said FI's mother wanted her family to attend. I text her back I don't understand, the time got moved up earlier instead of later, so why wouldn't they be able to attend and she has not text me back. She was texting me all morning excited and now I think she is crestfallen because of the time change. The destination wedding changed because FI's mother said she didn't want to go all the way to Florida. The ceremony and reception changed because FI's mother had a problem with that. They decided not to elope because FI's mother said no family would be there and now she has changed the time of her wedding so now I can't attend as well as people close to her.

So ladies, how much influence or input would you allow from your parents or FI's parents or from anybody? I know she is going to look back on her day and have many regrets. . .I have always said from the beginning to any bride who has second thoughts or people taking over the details of their day - YOUR DAY, YOUR WAY!!! 

Honestly, this is a tough question. I think it can depend on things like "How much of a financial help are the parents giving". Why isn't her FI putting his foot down? I don't think I would allow my entire wedding to change cause one person is dictating what they want. I agree with you....YOUR DAY, YOUR WAY!!!

To me honestly, it sounds like FIs mom is trying to make this about HER not the couple and it sounds like there isn't much to pay for, so financial contribution shouldn't be a factor...... Idk but if I were your friend I would have a heart to heart with FI BC it is THEIR day and this would concern me for the marriage too, how much input is the mom going to have on their marriage and eventually kids?? Just KY honest opinion. I hope your friend ends up happy on her day. Good luck!!

I am so sorry for your friend and believe me I get it. I wanted my vow-renewal to be just Mark and I and when MI found out she said she had to be there and well if she was there then others would have to be there.

Trust me she is not paying one damn dime and it has me a little ticked, but I love DH and I put up with it.

Thanks ladies! I know she will have many regrets later on. She wouldn't have started out with a destination wedding where she put down payment on cruise and now has to be refunded if she didn't want that type of wedding. Her FMIL is not paying for anything and I guess FI is not putting his foot down to keep the peace. She text me later on that day and said the people who want to be there will be there which upset me because I want to be there! 

She is just upset with the situation and not you.

She can't put the blame where it needs to be, so she puts it out on everyone else where she feels like she has a little control.

I can't imagine her pain nor yours.

I wish you the best Tressy!

Thanks Bridie! I have supported her during this whole wedding planning process. Giving her tips on how to cut cost and vendors to use. I really wanted to be there on her special day.  

I know! Can you send her a special note in the mail. Telling her how much you love her and really wish you could be there for her, but that you will be thinking about her at that special hour wherever you are?

You might send her a handkerchief or something else that will fint in a standard envelope even a book mark with your favorite bible verse pertaining to weddings?

I know when things are not going well in my life getting that snail mail letter means EVERYTHING to me.