Ambersmith-- Weddings used to be a much simpler affair (and cost)for everyday people (royalty and celebrities excluded) until the extravagance of the 1980's. Often times they were potluck or cake and champagne receptions. Weddings were held at home or in the church hall. People spent what they could afford.
Nowadays, the push is for a "celebrity" or "platinum" wedding. Same goes for our culture, in general...I mean many people are obsessed with driving fancy cars, carrying designer purses and wearing designer clothes. That's fine and dandy if you're making big, superstar money, but most of us are not. I think it's insane. I mean, do you really need to carry a $1K purse when you're only bring home that much (or less) every week? In college, I had a friend who was SO proud of her $500 Coach bag (that she carried for ONE season, mind you) and I told her..."Hmm. I got this Betsey Johnson one for $8 at Marshall's. It has $492.00 in it!" LOL...but I am a total BUDGETZILLA. Self-admitted. I am my father's daughter...always looking for the BEST deal out there. It can take time and willingness to wait and/or compromise. That said, I love to get expensive items for less...I am not a fan of cheap, but a big fan of inexpensive!
For big ticket weddings, often times, people take loans, second jobs and/or rack up credit card debt. Then they stuggle financially in their first years of marriage, which is a leading cause of divorce. That said, I do think that some people do have $30K socked away or at least culled from parents, etc. When I was married the first time, each parent (my mom and dad are divorced) wrote us checks for $5K and matched the $5K we had saved for the wedding. So we had a $15K wedding fund and stuck to it. We bartered, negotiated and compromised to stay within the budget. But at the end of the day the wedding was a grand, formal affair and certainly looked like it cost at least 3 times as much as we spent. At the time, that's what I wanted...a fancy, formal event. And I think it's great if that's what other brides and grooms want too...as long as they can afford it and are reasonable with their expectations.
Frankly, it's all gotten so extravagant that these days I really love a simple, heartfelt wedding. I think many couples get the idea that a perfect wedding day somehow guarantees a perfect marriage. It may be even subconcious, but that's really the only explaination I can come up with for why more-better. If it looks great, then it is great. You know what I mean? That spills over into cars (with leases), homes (with insane mortgages) and material stuff (new TVs, computers, gadgets, etc.). There are SO many people out there with all of this that are drowning in debt and miserable. And their relationships are strained because of it.
Finally, aside from how much or how little a wedding costs, I think that the most important concern is that a wedding should reflects the values and personalities of the couple and to a lesser extent, their families. I hate that people feel pressured into adding more extravagance or even spending tons of money on one day. It's so easy to get sucked into it when bridal magazines, vendors and websites encourage that whole trend. It's a money making venture on their part, of course. That's why I love sites like this...where you can see photos from real weddings and get great ideas that are personal and not over-the-top expensive.
One of the best weddings I ever attended was in the backyard of the bride's parent's home. It was in the late morning and the bouquets and centerpieces were made with roses and other flowers cut from her aunt's garden. She wore her mother's dress, re-styled and altered for her wedding and her bridesmaids wore pastel garden dresses of their own chosing. The groom wore a navy suit that he already owned and added a new tie and shirt. The groomsmen wore their own navy suits and new pastel colored shirts and ties. They rented tables and umbrellas for the reception and used china and tea cups, etc. that they had collected from yard sales and second-hand stores. The food was simple and tasty (tea, scones, pastries, fruit, etc.) and they had a jazz trio (friend's of the family) provide the music. It was a beautifully intimate wedding (50 guests) and cost $3K total for the whole event. This couple had great jobs, six-figure incomes and could have afforded at $100K wedding, if they wanted. But they didn't because they knew they could have the wedding they wanted for less and did it that way. They did have an extravagant honeymoon though...a dream vacation for three months in Europe. To me, that is an ideal way to start a marriage! :-)
