I am Losing It

Ah, okay this whole wedding stuff is making me go crazy! I got asked the other day if I was getting cold feet yet, and with out thinking I just blurted out YES! The reason I don't want to get married is because of this wedding planning. I NEVER wanted a huge wedding. All I wanted was a simple beach ceremony with just our close family and a few friends. I am not ALLOWED this since his parents are giving us 5000 dollars to use however we want, but they think it should be for the wedding. And since technically then they are "paying" for the wedding they get to have it the way they want. My FI has to invite ALL of this dad's side of the family which is about 60-80 people including cousins, and they all live in Houston. My family is very small and my intire guest list is 35 people included work, friends and family.

He wants this stupid big, CHEAP, wedding but is backing out of everything he says he will help on. He was suppose to get the photographer, but didn't, I did. He was suppose to find us a place to live, he didn't, I did. The list goes on and on. I am stressed out because I am not from Houston and know virtually no one here so I have zero help! Everything that I say to him goes in one ear and out the other. I am so fed up that I just want to call it quits and move back home...just run away from all this mess!

HELP ME!!!

Take a deep breathe!  So sorry to hear you're feeling stressed!  I think you should elope! lol!  sorry, but if I ever heard a case of eloping, yours is it!  Yes men are procrastinators and not very good wedding-planning-helpers.  Are you having a destination wedding?  That usually helps keep weddings small since a lot of people can't travel due to time and money constraints.  And $5,000 will buy you a beautiful DW.  And you get your intimate dream wedding on a beach.  I'm probably not helping, sorry. 

Hang in there.  Have you expressed to your FI that you really need his help through this process?  Really have a talk with him and tell him that he MUST pitch in and do his part since a lot of this planning is to appease his family.

Don't know what else to say except that this stress so close to your wedding is normal and that it will get better, and in the end it will have been the best day of your life. 

If I were in your area, I would totally help you!  But all us PW girls are here for you!

Oh honey, I've felt the same way off and on. I thought this was going to be us doing everything together and it's really me doing most things. But I've come to accept that he just gets overwhelmed with details and wedding planning is nothing but details so I'm better than I was. But I tell you, it made me do a lot of questioning about things.

Do you think your guy is just overwhelmed by it all and he doesn't know where to start?

What does he tell you when you ask him why he hasn't done the things he promised to do?

I know how frustrated you are. Are you hiring a wedding planner? I'd say if he's not going to help you, it's the least he can do!

I think that you should follow your heart. YOUR wedding day is suppose to be what you want. (and a lil of what he wants) not what his parents want. I think if you don't get the wedding you have dreamed of, and have to do what other people want you to do... you'll regret it. I think you should sit down and talk about it with him and let him know how you are feeling. Maybe don't except the money from his parents, so you don't feel obligated. (unless u totally need the money). Maybe a DW would be good... just a few ideas... 

Good luck! Be calm, take a deep breath, and just listen to your heart! 

Definately take a deep breath! It's going to be alright. I felt the same way too. While I loved my wedding and was happy to have everyone there, it wasn't my dream wedding by far. If our families would have been alright with it, we would have had a small wedding (less than 20 people) over looking the beach or Lake Tahoe. Neither of us wanted a big wedding, and it turned into something that we completely compromised on with our families.

Paddy might be on to something. Does your FI need some you to get things started for him? My DH was pretty useless in the planning process. I learned early on that if I wanted his input, I needed to keep it very simple and give him 2 or 3 options. There was no way he would have been able to pick a photographer without me showing him where to look first. And then he would have procrastinated until it was too late simply because there would have been WAY too many options for him. But I knew this when we got started and I was happy with planning the wedding around him.

You definately need to sit down with your FI and lay it all out. Make him understand that you're only having "this" wedding to make his family happy and he needs to participate too. Especially since you don't know Houston and most of the guests are HIS friends and family. Let him know your feelings about giving up going back home. Make sure he knows how frustrating this is for you. He needs to step it up and contribute! If he still doesn't get it, then I'd take that $5k and get married in Hawaii just the two of you. ;-)

Good luck and know that you're not alone on this one.

Thanks gals! I think the whole talking to him is what really pisses me off...he will not listen to me and we get in a fight everytime. Like just now I emailed him for the third time to print the lables for the invites that should have been in the mail Friday. He got all pissed at me bc I am not in the mood to ask nicely again, and he told me to do it! Like I have not done ALL of the wedding ALONE!!!

I honestly am having the worst feelings toward him and just want to scream in his face that I hate him! I know that is horrible!

oh no cryflore!! i'm so sorry you're going through this. i know what its like to want to just give up and run away (we almost decided on that this weekend..very scary!). your last paragraph, was that your fiance who was supposed to find the photographer and place to live but flaked? if so, you really need to have a serious (NON EMOTIONAL) talk with him. Be straight out, honest, and serious. Tell him how you are feeling and what its leading you to consider. Tell him you just can't handle the stress and pressure and NO HELP!

also, you could totally do a sweet wedding with 5 grand. But just tell them not with mariachis and top shelf tequila or big band and free flowing champagne! They need to get real. My friend had a super sweet wedding. She rented out a park, rented some tables and chairs, ordered mexican food and used flowers from her families different gardens. I think she only spent 3 grand! You could totally do it and bring in a band or whatever it is taht you guys really want! Look for a park with water or a lake and it could be very nice!  

Ok breathe. I think you just need to let loose and relax. You are not required to plan the wedding of other peoples dreams! They are your dreams and you need to cater to yourself. I think you should stop trying to make other people happy and do what you really want. Yeah some people might get upset, but its your wedding and they will have to get over it!

Just try and take a day to relax. I think you and FI should take a whole Saturday to spend time with each other. That always helps me relax.

ooh good idea sarah.  and a whole day WITHOUT wedding talk. just be a couple in love that day.

hang in there! I know exactly how you feel and just as I was going to post you said it all for me.. hahaha I wish I could give you advice but I can't b/c I'm in your shoes and have been balling my eyes out for 2 days over wedding stress... i just know we need to hang in there.