this has been going through my mind this entire day and i think i need some advice from you ladies, just to see how i should go about with this situation.

let me start, i LOVE my dear parents a whole lot!

so earlier this week, i stopped by my dads work to get some paper work done.. anyways, when i got there, my dad was on his lunch break.  i was able to meet with him and go to the back where he was eating and fill out my paper work at the table.  well, while i was doing my own thing, i noticed that his GIRL co-worker was eating my dad's food.  literally, like not even on her own plate, but like straight up eating it from the tupperware as if it was her OWN. i know it was my dad's bc its a filipino dish, and she's not filipino. ANYWAYS, to confirm it, i called my mom later on to see what my dad brought for lunch, and sure enough it was what his co-worker was eating.  i was even thinking, "ugh, did my dad get some at least."  i mentioned it to my mom, and my mom was like "they share food all the time yada yada"

WELL.. feeling a bit awkward, i go onto my dad's email account.. yes, i know im nosey and an awful daughter, but i felt like i needed to. (i know his password, bc he's mentioned it to me before) ANYWAYS, so i search her name.. and a few emails pop up... nothing really CRAZY.  talking about work, other co workers, they emailed while she was recently away for vacation and what not... however, there was about 2 or 3 emails where MY DAD, closes the email with a '143' or a 'luv u much'... WTF is that?!?! and WTH are they emailing while she's on vacation... who cares if it has to do with work... you're on vacation..

sooo, i didnt have the guts, YET, to talk to my dad about it.. plus, i dont know what the hell to say to him.  instead, i email her saying,

"HI.. I DONT WANT TO INSTIGATE ANYTHING... BUT I JUST REALLY GOT TURNED OFF BY YOU EATING MY DADS FOOD EARLIER TODAY WHEN I DROPPED BY - I DON'T CARE, BUT THATS MY DADS LUNCH.  AND PLEASE STOP EMAILING MY DAD.. HE'S BEEN MARRIED TO MY MOM FOR A LOOOOONG TIME!!!

read your post, that sucks, i don't really know what to say except to trust your dad. i think some allocated relax time for yourself is in order.

Erica,

This is a difficult situation.  I'm not sure how much help I can offer, but my empathy goes out to you and your family. 

I dont know you but it sounds as though this is the last thing you need, so much stress, confusion and sadness so close to your wedding day.  As someone about to make the great comitment that is the sacrament of marriage it must be horribly distressing for you to see a marriage, especially that of your parents which you look to for inspiration and a sense of security in your own decision to get married, seemingly in peril. 

My best advice would be to sit down and talk about this with your fiance (if you haven't already), I'm sure his love, compassion and understanding will begin to make you feel a lot less lost.  After that, I would suggest you and your fiance talk to your father about this (I think the presence of your fiance in the conversation will make you feel like you are supported and not alone).  Let your father know how you feel, be honest and try to remain as calm as you can, and listen to what he has to say.  At the end of the conversation, if you feel that your Mom needs to hear some things, let your Dad know that it is his job to tell her and not yours.  This may ultimately lead into a conversation with all four of you (you, your fiance, your Dad and your Mom). 

If you decide that the conversations with your parents aren't ones you want to have (or can deal with) before your wedding, I think thats ok. Plan to talk to them sometime after (maybe right after the honeymoon, or a month or so later, but you probably shouldn't put it off forever).  Remember to keep talking to your fiance though about this situation, let him show you how much he loves and supports you and focus on the richness of that love.

I don't know if any of this helps but I wish you great happiness in your upcoming marriage and God Bless You and Yours,

Drea

This is a hard one.  On one hand I think you should stay out of it, at least until after the wedding, but I could imagine how you want to confront your father.  I would not involve the female anymore- that just seems like trouble to me.

I agree with Drea- I would wait until after the wedding to have the difficult convos with your father.

Hula....please bear with me on this and nothing personal....but you need to get your nose out of where it doesn't belong.

First..regardless of the situation...if you are "SNOOPING" be prepared to get burned.

I appreciate the fact that you want to protect your family...I am the same way. But just because something rubs you wrong doesn't mean it does everyone else. Think about the relationships you have with either co-worker, friends, family members. What is OK and acceptable to you/them may rub others wrong....like sharing food. Maybe that is the culture they have built in their environment and it's OK with everyone...including your mom!

It souds like your dad has worked there for quit sometime and relationships have been built...close relationships. Given the amount of time we spend at work these days, and the nature of humans, we build these relationships...I even go as far to talk about my WORK HUSBAND because we have been together for so many years and are personally very close. WE HAVE NEVER, WILL NEVER cross any line...the point is the sign off on the bottom of the email is no different than saying thanks, miss ya, XXXOOO if that is the relationship that has been built.

Personally I think you owe your dad AND his co-worker an apology.

Sorry to sound blunt, but if my son did what you just did, there would be hell to pay. By the way...do you realize the trust you just broke with your dad by hacking into his email.

Good luck.

Im sorry, I agree with tkclark. I dont think it was your place to email his coworker. But since you already have, I would bring it up to your dad to clear the air. My male coworkers and I have shared food from time to time, we even go out to lunch together sometimes. Ive even been to my coworker's father's diner for breakfast while he was there. If you havent worked in an office environment its hard to understand the relationships you build while there. I see my coworkers and spend more time with them than I do with FI or my family!  

I think you may be blowing this out of proportion, I think you also need to trust your father to do the right thing. I also think that emailing his coworker and snooping in your dads email was a VERY inappropriate thing for you to do. I would begin by apologizing to your dad. no offense of course just MHO

I would tell your dad what you did and apologize and just say something like "I love you and mom so much and I think the wedding stress really made me jump to conclusions. I apologize for not trusting you and I want you to know that it is not a problem and that I won't try to interfere again."

I am agreeing with tk... sorry hun. You owe them both an apology. 

oh man....first off, you need to take kristins advice and talk to your dad right away and apologize and level with him letting him know your feelings....you NEED to talk to your dad ASAP!

second, i agree with the other girls....it was very inappropriate of you to email your dads coworker.  I would be so embarrassed if I were your dad.  I have very close relationships with my coworkers and I would probably eat off of my male coworkers plate and not think twice about it. 

in your defense though.....the 143 thing is very odd and i see why you are upset and worried....

talk to your dad!