Marriage and Divorce

I heard that half of all marriages end in divorce. This worries me...

What are the causes of friction? How can they be prevented or alleviated?

Making a promise to honor each other on a daily basis for the rest of our lives is probably the biggest promise I will ever make. How can we make sure we live up to that promise?

I think the main thing is communication and mutual respect.

For us, communication is the most difficult because we have very different personalities. I tend to worry a lot about thing while Joe is pretty content 24/7. I like to talk about my feelings and emotions and while Joe doesn't mind talking about it, he never initiates the conversation. =) Sometimes I have to interrogate him to find out how his day went!

Relationships, and especially marriage, take a lot of work and is something that needs constant attention. It will be hard at times, but as long as you love and respect each other things will work out.

Oh yeah, communication and understanding is key. But sometimes it's really hard to balance the 'we' and 'me' (the 'me' especially since sadly, a lot of people our age (mid 20s) and younger have been taught to focus on themselves). And sometimes it's hard because things change and hopefully you can grow together, not apart. It's tough though, I mean, 3 of my friends (mid-20s) have divorced recently, but I think it's because their situations were harder than most people (2 were cops, the other's husband was in the military).

Definitely communication is the most important thing. I'm a very quiet person by nature so it's something I've been working on. I tend to keep a lot of things to myself (both good and bad) which is why Margaret has to interrogate me. I would be a good spy. I'm learning to talk about things more and I've even started to use some of Margaret's interrogation techniques on her.

Mid-20s and already divorced? Does that happen very often? I know a lot of people who are mid-20s and are still looking for a gf/bf.

I've met one person in her late 20s that was divorced. I didn't ask her about what happened because it seemed personal. She just said she got married way too young and it was a big mistake.

I didn't think it happened very often, but I did read an article on MSN about how it's becoming a growing trend. I think in part because of the selfish stereotype, but also maybe because there's an emphasis on finding the perfect person that all the romantic comedies have made us believe in. I don't know, it really is hard to tell. Of the people I knew, one got married to fix their already existing problems (bad idea), another got married before even knowing the person for a full year, and the third's husband cheated on her and they really spent more time apart than together during their marriage of 6 years.

new thoughhts on this???

I think money issues, communication, and lack of trust are main reasons people get divorced. I think a lot of people get married too young when they haven't gotten their shit together yet and it strains your relationship. Plus who you are when you are twenty is rarely the person you are when you are twenty-five. Some people just grow apart and want different things. The qualities you want in a person chance when you start a career, buy a home, think about having children.

KellyK--

Um yes, you can be divorced in your mid-20's.  But I suspect that you're in your mid-20's and therefore, I totally understand your shock at it.  When I was 23 I was married and felt the same way.  "It's not gonna happen to me.  We've been together for 4 years already and I KNOW what I am doing!"  Well...at 27 I left him and filed for divorce.  So yeah, it can and it does happen.  I can count on both hands my friends and famiy members who were all divorced BEFORE the age of 28.

Anway...I think the reasons for divorce are as varied as the people who go through them.  That said, as soon as one partner feels utter contempt for the other, it's over.  Contempt is the opposite of respect.  I feel that respect is key to a successful marriage.  The feeling of love will wax and wane but you can always have respect for your spouse.  if you speak to your partner in a way that you never would address your best friends, then you need to check yourself.  If your partner is the last consideration in a decision, that's a warning sign too.  If you have a list of deal-breakers that is longer than your list of deal-makers, then you are not ready to be married.

In my family's case, I am out to prove a point........every single member (other than my paternal grandparents) has been divorced.  I am hell bent on being the first one in the family who will not end up divorced.