Not inviting out of town guests to rehearsal dinner?

When I was a wedding planner I always told my brides and grooms that it was proper to invite the out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner - that was etiquette that was taught to me years ago.

My niece's FMIL sent me an email that stated that the rehearsal dinner guest list needs to be limited to 60 people.  This doesn't cover even the wedding party + one guest/spouse each.

If she does manage to cover the wedding party + guest/each . . . isn't it rude to not invite your out of town guests?

If she is unable to accommodate out of town guests - I will work with the hotel where the main block of rooms will be booked to come up with a plan for a social hour or something similar for out of town guests.

My cousin and his wife had a black tie affair at a beautiful resort in Florida.  We were told about the rehearsal dinner and were given a time to be there.  It was later than a usual dinner - so 8 of us from Savannah went to dinner first then to the rehearsal dinner.  It was a good thing because the wedding party had already had a sit down dinner - they were serving just cocktails when the out of towners got there.  It was very uncomfortable for many of us.  I'm just thankful that we had eaten first.  This is the same side of the family that will be attending my niece's wedding (some of the smaller cousins are in the wedding) - they all will be expecting to be invited to the rehearsal dinner whether they are involved in the wedding or not.

What do you guys think?

i dont think it's proper

Is she wanting to restrict the number because of space or money? If its because of money, can you possibly have a cheaper option for the meal? Do I remember correctly that you're doing a low-country boil?

I do not think you need to invite every single OOT guest to the rehearsal. It's too much.

The rehearsal dinner is an intimate party for the WP, bride and groom and parents to have a special dinner together before the big day - it's a time when the bride and groom might share more personal speeches and thank yous to ppl that are more private. It is meant to be intimate.

If you have 100 ppl at the RD, it's just like a mini wedding?? What's the point?

I have been an OOT guest many times - only inveited to the RD when included in the wedding. And I didn't have a problem grabbing something to eat on my own if I wasn't invited....

I have never heard of this and have never been invited to a rehersal dinner as an out-of-town guest... I guess that doesn't make me too much help. We were not planning on inviting our out-of-town guests to our rehersal dinner, in part because we kind of want it to be an intimate affair and in part beacuse our budget won't allow us to feed all of our wedding guests twice (most perople will be from out-of-town)... Am I just out of it on this one?

i think it's poor form to not invite ooters to the rd...

at one point - our rd was upwards of 60 people b/c of bp and their spouses and kids, as well as the ooters

Just thinking here......What about having your rehearsal dinner for the bridal party/family only first and then having all of the OOT guests there (at a rental house, right?) for dessert/cocktails later? You could send them invitiations that specify something along the lines of "Please join us for desserts and cocktails" so they'll be aware of the situation.

I agree with miss_em.  If you invite all of your OOT guests, you may as well have the wedding that day; practically everyone will be there.  A way to make your OOTers feel welcome and occupied, create a goodie bag that will be waiting for them at the hotel when they check in.  Include a "Things to Do" list for the area, and include directions.  This way, guests will not wonder what to do with their evening, and won't feel bad about not coming to the RD.  Just an idea.

Based on my personal experience... As a guest from out of town, I was only invited to ONE rehearsal dinner due to the fact I was living with & dating the best man (my now FI). This this based on the five out of town weddings I have attend.

I was not offened that I was not invited to the rehearsal dinner... I view this dinner as a chance for the bride and groom to have an intimate environment and the opportunity to thank everyone who has been helpful towards the planning. I'm just a OOT; I'll I did was show up with a gift... I didn't help with the planning!

If the host/hostess have engough means to budget a dinner for all the OOT's it is a very nice offer... but by no means nesscarry!

At the end of the day the person who holds the checkbook gets to call the shots ;)

... call me crazy - but a rd is also as a "thank you" to ooters who have probably shelled a pretty penny for flight and hotel...

and in my family - rd is pretty much like the cheap and casual version of the wedding, so maybe my pov is way different from everyone else's...

the day after brunch - same thing - cheap and casual version of the wedding...