Planning a wedding with no engagement!?

This was a touchy subject between my sisters and a couple girlfriends of mine.  Over the weekend we had a huge discussion and/or debate and now im curious to hear other opinions!

So my sister Nat is rekindling her relationship with an ex for the past 2 months and is all in now. She wants to marry him and is hounding me to plan her wedding! Ok so I made the remark to her that I didnt want to plan until they got officially engaged! So my baby sister agrees with me, two girlfriends agree and one girlfriend disagrees. I explained to my sister I thought she was putting the cart before the horse so to speak! She got very angry! I wasnt trying to be mean it was just my opinion! So now she thinks those who disagreed are just hating and being negative!

Honestly when DH proposed to me it was labor day weekend 2010. We told immediate family and that was all. He gave me my engagement ring in March 2011. So we announced that we were officially engaged at that point to everyone. I did no planning until after that. Now thats just me! My baby sister who got married a couple years ago did the exact same thing.

So now my ansy sister Nat thinks we are being ridiculous and we should all start planning her day now! I even think it would be one thing if WE KNEW when they were getting engaged but he hasnt said anything about that to her yet either!

So my question is ...what do you think of planning a wedding before the engagement?

I agree with you. Once the engagement is formally announced, then I'd proceed. In my mind, to do otherwise is just spinning your wheels and gearing up for a day that may or may not happen.

I agree. It's ok to look at things, and research, but to actually book things and plan, that's a little different.

BUT, it also depends on the situation. If they are in a long term and have been talking about marriage for awhile and he's just saving for a ring or something, then yes, but if she's just getting back with an ex then NO! lol.

all i can say is i completely agree with you mrs.harris i feel as though it would tempt fate so to speak as well. If she is serious about him she should wait rushing him might make him think its too much too soon and he could just get out! Plus its nicer to do things properly and to get your sparkler first :)

Research, research, research! That is all I would do until the engagement is official! I wouldn't buy anything or put any money down on venues or photographers and such because it would be so easy for the relationship or even wedding date to change at this point. As Beyonce would say, He needs to put a ring on it!

I agree with you for the most part.  We got engaged unofficially last year Sept 2011, he asked without a ring, but I did start planning or better yet, we did start planning.  We made a deposit together and discussed wedding and marriage for 2013. We announced it to my mom, and close friends. I just received my ring last week, but we began announcing to everyone when we hit the one year mark on Sept 1st. We agreed that we would announce when we were one year out I wasnt thinking about getting a ring because I knew we were getting married with or without one.

I think that if you are creating this wedding in your head without a discussion between the both of you, no planning or preparation should be made. You said that your sister's boyfriend hasnt said anything about marriage, so she should wait to think about it. They should just focus now on fixing the issues that broke them up.

Interesting! I just asked a male coworker who is getting married next month what he would have thought if she started planning prior to the engagement and he chuckled and said he would have told her to slow her roll and let him do his thing first! Give up the bling!

allbyfaith....its sounds like even though you didnt have your bling prior to announcing it he had proposed and the both of you had made the decision, set a date and moved forward. Thats one thing but in this situation theres no word from the man yet as to when he wants to propose even! I could get over the ring absence if he just proposed! lol

Technically I still don't have a ring and planned the wedding without one. Because he asked while deployed many of our friends understood we were engaged but when outsiders asked they didn't consider us engaged because I had no ring. His family knows and the wedding is in May. I was planning the wedding before an official engagement but we have circumstances that couldn't be helped. 

yeeea I agree with you, planning a wedding should deff come AFTER getting engaged lol...

I wonder what her boyfriend would think about this... personaly I think its kind of rude to assume such a life changing move...I don't know their entire situation so I can't say for sure, but If I was him and I found out, I would be pissed , and  probably scared off ...

I agree in this case, however I don't think the ring is what defines the engagement. If the couple has both agreed that yes, they are going to get married, I completely understand planning the wedding! If it is one sided though, I can't say I really understand it!