When I first asked my bridesmaids to be my bridesmaids they were really excited and asked what that would entail. I told them I wasn't sure because I hadn't been to a lot of weddings before. My MOH has been in a lot of recent
weddings so I thought she would be good to compare vendors and she would have a lot of info but she was just like "whatever you want" and I was frustrated because that seemed non committal to me. My Fi was not very helpful at the beginning
either. So I started to research and put my own stuff together. Once I got an idea of what I wanted, I asked my MOH specific vendor questions (do you have the number of a DJ?) and I got all the quotes. Once an apt was booked my FI was
excited to go, but it takes making the plans first. All my married friends say that guys are like that. They are very non committal at first because they have no idea how much planning it is, but a month before they get involved and start
understanding.
I expected them to give me feedback too, but everyone was like "oh whatever you want is fine" which is just their way of being supportive. It's way better then opinionated bridemaids or worse mother in laws who have to have things
their way. With your FI, what is important to him? If it's the music, let him help make that decision. If he's not helping at all, maybe he just needs something to do.
My advice is 1. state clearly what you want. With my dresses I just told them they were the dresses. My bridesmaid was unsure of what it would look like and if she could wear it again and so I changed the color to black. No
problems. If you want to pick out flowers with them, ask them to come. If they can't come, ask your FI. It's your and his wedding anyways. If you want them to throw a party for you, tell them that's what you want. Sometimes they don't
know they are hurting you. They just don't understand their role. 2. GIve them specific things to do. My MOH got to pick the dresses out. She is planning my shower. Let them own something and give you feedback.
3. Don't always talk about the wedding.
It's one day. Yes, it's your day, but it's also one day so put it in perspective. You're getting married... for life! When you get stressed about making every detail perfect just relax and realize that when it's all over, no
one will be talking about the cut of the bridemaid dresses or the flowers. They will be talking about how beautiful YOU look. How happy they are for you. And you will go home to a husband and you will wake up to just another
day.
