Sister trouble

I'll try to make this short! My sister and I are not close. I find her to be very resentful and selfish. I'm the younger sister. I already have a house, a kickass job, and now a diamond, all things she wants. My last straw was when I sent her a bday card with a check. No thank you, no, hey, I got your card. The only way I know she got it was because she cashed the check. I feel like she's always putting me down. I did not ask her to be in my wedding. I didn't want to be put down on my wedding day. She even put down my e-ring! "oh it only has 4 prongs, you're going to lose that stone" Last night she comes to me crying and wanted to know why. So... I was honest and told her, but now I feel terrible. What can I do to try to make her feel included?

I am going thru something similar with my future sister-in-law. Until now, I thought she needed to be shown kindness and sympathy and now: I think she needs a wake up call.

The timing for that might not be good in your situation- do you need more drama in your life right now?!
But it might add to your stress if you give her something to do (can she be trusted? will she turn around and just say you're putting her to work/using her as labor?)

it just happened last night so maybe you need to let things settle and see what her reaction is. You can always let her know you love her but/and you had to let her know the truth. good luck!

I too have a situation but hopefully it will not come to a head - I haven't spoken to my father in over 2 years and my sister for over a year now. My dad - way too selfish and None of us (4 kids total) talk to him and my sister totally disrespected our mother and I don't stand for it.

It is your day - do you want the drama? Maybe she can read a poem, or if you are doing a photo-welcome book (my friend took polaroids and placed in a book and then the couple wrote things next to photo) - maybe she could take the pictures?

Perhaps you could include in the bridal shower, like sitting next toyou and helping you write down the gifts, etc?

:) - cheer up and like theDame said let things settle and see how she is over the weekend.

oh april! i'm sorry you have to go through sibling "spats" - no matter if you're planning a wedding or not...

all i an say is to just let the situation breathe.. you dont have to do anything right now...

i'm sure this goes deeper than what just happened - it's probably a lifetime of sibling rivalry... i dont know firsthand since i'm an only child - but my cousin is the same way towards me... she's always been spiteful and goes out of her way to make snide remarks... but i also egg her on b/c i know it bugs her - so it's a 2 way street...

anyway - take care of YOU!!

My MOH suggested I ask her to do a reading at the wedding... but to wait a while to ask her so she doesn't think I'm doing it to make her feel better. That's probably the route I'll take.
And you're all right, some time to breath is probably a good idea!
Thanks!

feels good to know that I'm not alone here with the family drama.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, as you really don't need any drama right now. But, I think you were right to be completely honest with her. You shouldn't feel terrible. Tough love is probably the best for her. She feels like you're excluding her from your wedding spitefully and she fails to look at herself for blame or to realize that she can't live her life in comparison to yours. DirtyMartini is right that there are probably some emotional issues that she's dealt with since you two were kids and it's always been a competition for her. She puts you down to make herself feel better.

My sister used to do the same thing, but I don't let her anymore. (I'm the oldest and she's the youngest with 2 brothers in between us.) When I moved out and got serious with my now DH, she had a hard time handling my happiness. She found every little thing she could think of to find fault in him. I finally called her out on it and told her to back off and not to dump her emotional issues on me. Our lives aren't a competition. It took her a little while to talk to me again and when she did, she was a better person. She realized that the whole world doesn't revolve around her and that she needs to work to better her own life, not to compare her life to mine. We get along much better now, although she still craves the center of attention. We just deal with it better now. When I started wedding planning, I was worried that she'd get this way again, but she really surprised me. She stepped it up and was an excellent MOH. (all of my girls were MOHs) But if we hadn't worked through all of this, she wouldn't have been in the wedding.

I'd give yourself some time to think about things. If you've made a decision not to include her in your wedding, then stand by your decision and always be honest when she questions your decision. If she's only going to put you down in a weak attempt to boost her own self esteem, then you don't need her around you on your wedding day. If you have some time to work some of these issues out before then, then it's never a bad idea to try. Your MOH's suggestion of letting her do a reading is a great idea, but definately wait a while until this blows over.

Sorry this got long. Good luck!

Sadly, I was a lot like April's sister. But honestly, it was because I was in a low point in my life and nothing good seemed to be happening to me. I always loved my sister but it was just so difficult to be around someone who always seemed to "have it so easy" and growing up, there was a lot of unfairness with how we were raised (granted its not her fault..it was my parents). Anyways. April, I bet anything your sister loves you so much but just doesnt know how to show it and her jealousy just gets the best of her. She probably tries but its very difficult for her due to her own insecurities and such. The fact she came to you crying says a lot. That was great taht you let it all out and were very honest with her. She needed that and hopefully it was a wake up call for her. Like the other girls suggested, defineitly let things simmer down and then offer her a special role.. The reading is a great idea. Good luck and hopefully the relationship with your sister heals like mine has.

Hi April,

I know how you are feeling, I just recently went through the same drama with 2 of my 3 sisters. It is very hard dealing with it all, because they are your sisters, but you need to put Yourself & FI first now. Hopefully ue sister will come around & I'm hoping mine will to. But you have said how u feel & now it is up to her/them what they do with it. I had to un-ask my sisters to be BM's cuz of how they acted & made me feel. Shit happens in families & when its girls it seems so much harder.

Good Luck & stay strong to what u say