Uninvited Guest

So Ladies FI and I were discussing this the other night and I saw where @Mrsharris brought this point up.  Where I am from a lot of weddings become intruded by uninvited guest.  People bring their friends, families, kids and they show up because of word of mouth.  The location I am looking at will have security thats included in our package.  However, whats etiquette on letting these guest know they have to leave? If it was up to me I would just have the security escort them out, but FI claims its embarrassing and you cant turn away people.  I tried to explain that were not running a soup kitchen and while I don't mind helping those in need, we do have to pay for every head that partakes in the wedding festivities. 

Personally if I had an uninvited gues (luckily I did not...) I would leave that up to the DOC or whomever you have working your wedding.

I had an amazing Matri' D working my wedding and I honestly didn't have to worry about a THING. I didn't even know any of the issues of my wedding until after the honeymoon, I must have said "that happened?" many times.

You can totally turn away people- sorry but... YOU AREN'T INVITED!

Have security deal with it, I am sure they wont make a scene and believe me you won't have to worry about a thing on your day.

When it comes down to it, you and your FI shouldn't have to worry about any of your guests or issues on the day of.

Thanks Lara.  Ill be saving this post so he can read this comment and get it through his head.

Exactly what lara said the last thing you want to be worried about is joe smo showing up with 6 of his family members and not having seats fort hem because THEY didn't RSVP.

Give the security a List of PPL that did rsvp plus their guest and if they areb't on the list they don't get in..easy.

Guest etiquette

Hooray, you're invited! ...Now what? When you aren't the bride, groom, attendant, or family member, you still have an exciting role to play at a wedding celebration. Your presence at the ceremony and reception is a wonderful way to support the two people who want you to share their happy moment.

Great guest etiquette starts as soon as you receive an invitation. Here are top tips:

1. RSVP. Immediately.

RSVP is French for “please respond” (répondez s’il vous plaît). Your most important obligation as a guest is to respond to the invitation immediately, especially if you are unable to attend. At the very least, it allows your host and hostess enough time to give an accurate count to the caterer. There is usually a card to return with your reply. If not, you may write a formal reply or a note indicating your intention.

2. Respect your invitation.

Do not ask your host or hostess if you can bring a date or your children. The invitation will be addressed to the people invited. If you may bring a guest, your invitation will read “Mr. John Phelps and guest.” If your children are invited, they will either receive their own personal invitations or their names will be listed under yours on the envelope. This is not the time to question your host’s decision, to argue or to beg for an exception. And, please, do not add their names to a reply card or show up with them anyway!

3. Send a gift.

If you are invited to the ceremony and/or reception, you should send a gift, whether you are attending or not. Generally, gifts are sent to the bride in advance of the wedding. In some localities, gifts are brought to the reception and placed on a special table. If you hear from family that the couple would prefer a charitable donation—as in the case of an older couple or an encore wedding—please respect their wishes. If you receive an announcement after the wedding has taken place, you may send a gift if you wish, but you have no obligation to do so. It is nice to acknowledge the announcement with a card or a note expressing your best wishes.

4. Be on your BEST behavior.

Be on time, wear appropriate clothing and be respectful during the marriage ceremony. Pay your respects to the hosts, the wedding party and other guests at the reception.

And remember—

“The good guest is almost invisible, enjoying him- or herself, communing with fellow guests, and, most of all, enjoying the generous hospitality of the hosts.”

— E. Post

And because can't help myself...

RSVP or...

I don't understand why he thinks you can't turn people out. They weren't invited, you didn't pay for their meals. Why should they be allowed to freeload, taking away from those that DID get an invitation? I'd just talk to the DOC, like Lara said, or have someone else handle it. No need for you to worry about it during the reception.

It's not embarassing that they're being turned out. It's embarassing that they think a wedding is a block party.

I agree with the above posters. I say just like people spread by word of mouth that there is a wedding, make sure they spread by word of mouth that uninvited guest will not be let in to the reception and will be asked to leave.  This can help people know up front, so make sure you and your FI notify people of this.

If you have a wedding website, I would also post in on page where you have information for the ceremony and reception.

lololol @pmnunes I just love your personality thanks so much.  Love the etiquette tips provided.

@carolinawedd he is just a softy and dont feel like they should be turned away.  I agree I will do a list and had it to the security on that day.

@allbyfaith great idea we do Ill post it there!

Thanks ladies you were all helpful!

You are going thru the same thing I am. FI is stating to me that the way his family and friends do things its just word of mouth! He claims that once old friends find out from so and so he is getting married they will just show up! I am like hello!!!!! We are not paying for these people! So this is no easy task im afraid! FI thinks its rude to turn people away as well!  I think the best will have to be having our DOC's or someone responsible at the door to get a handle on this situation before it gets out of hand. I am actually not opposed to them showing up for dancing and drinks but that wont happen till after dinner!

I agree like you do have to pay for every head its crazy because I was thought that if someone doesn't extend an offer to you then it rude to show up.  I don't ever go someplace uninvited.  I have too much pride for that.  I was speaking to a bridesmaid sister who got married Dec 31st in the Bahamas and she had to cater to 20 extra guest because they showed up uninvited.  I told her she was a fool because I would have told them to please leave.  She said she didn't have the heart to tell them that, so she had them stay.  I think people just forget etiquette and manners.  To those that spread wedding details I feel like its tasteless, because unless someone mentions telling others you really have no right to.