Hello Ladies, Well as you can see the wedding is definately off we had been together for 7 years and were to get married this March.  This has been one of the hardest things for me to deal with we just ended it Aug 9 and he already has someone else.  He told me he wanted to be single and he needed time but it seems to me he knew what he wanted to do.  It's so hard to think of my man with someone else I'm trying my hardest to get over him but it is very hard.  It is as if he completely erased me out of his life.  He comes around when she is at work even though I tell him I want him to stay away because I need to get over him he says he comes over to see his daughter but I know that's not alltogether true cause he always brings us up and makes me cry.....I'm so confused any advice.

OMG!!! Thats awful!! Honey, you deserve better!! Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. I hate that this has happened to you! I have no advice on how to get over him except distance yourself from him. I know thats hard, but maybe he can pick up his daughter and take her so you wont have to listen to him talk about the two of you.

oh gosh hun, that is terrible im sorry your going through this =( (((hugs)))

if that's how he wants to play & act! your way to good for him & your out of his league he dose not deserve you...

id b asking him to stop coming around just whenever he wants. & make arrangements for certain days for your DD to see him (he walked out on you both right?) well he looses out, its upsetting you n you cant grieve & get over him if he is calling in all the time & im sure it up setts DD as well.

try & stay strong (i know easier said then done) & 7yrs is a long time, & i know your hurting bad right now, but your EX is a jerk & there is another guy out there for you one who is not a JERK like your EX!

keep your chin up & put on a false front to him pretend your fine! dont let him see you cry & get upset thats what he wants, even if as soon as he leaves you need to burst into tears! just dont let him see that be strong!

I can't tell you how sorry I am that this happened to you. It may take you a long time to get over him, but you want to and you know that you need to and that tells me that you're very strong. You're going to get through this, and one day you're going to find a great guy who really deserves you. But we need to sort out this business of seeing the ex so you can start to feel better.

Is there a way to go through a third person so he can still see his daughter? For instance, can he come over to pick up his daughter to take her to the park or the movies or whatever at a pre-arranged time so that you can have your mom or sister or BFF there instead of you? Someone else can babysit for about a half hour or so until he comes to get her, and you can be off and out of the house and not see him at all. Maybe that could work. If you don't really see him, he can't make you feel bad.

Distance from him is the best thing for you right now.  Perhaps you guys can agree by phone on a mutual place that he could go an pick up his daughter.  Perhaps a relatives house. My heart aches for you right now but please don't fall for the game his playing.  Although you are hurting right now, show him you're strong.  Otherwise, he's going to take advantage of your vulnerability.

((((((HUGS))))))

I also have told him to stay away from me and that I can drop my daughter off over his mothers or sisters house, he doesn't want me to drop her off over his sister house and he tells me he wants to see me.  I'm really confused he dropped the kids off at home the other night and I tried to stop him at the door and he pushed his way in I contiuously told him to leave because I knew the effect he would have on me but he wouldn't, needless to say we had sex and all of the emotions and feeling came back again.  I now realize I have to stick to my guns and have him stay away completely because he does not understand boudaries.  He keeps saying that we will be alright he just needs his space right now, he's definately playing mind games but I'm done.

Thanks ladies for the advice believe me I'm taking it all in.

If he pushed his way in your door - obviously it wasn't like a "dangerous" situation - you do have grounds for a restraining order, it is your residence and you told him to leave, unfortunately restraining orders for the sake of just a restraining order are often expensive since the issue is not life threatening, but every city/county varies - you might just look into it.  Sadly, my parents had mutual restraining orders so that any custody exchanges had to be done on neutral ground.  All pick-ups/drop-offs were in the parking lot of the city library.....you might try that, even if you don't have a restraining order.  Or at least you have someone at your house with you when he drops the kids off - a family member or a friend so that you don't have to worry about things going too far again.