What do you girls think? =(

Hi Ladies!

My fiance and I have been talking a lot lately about the wedding, the costs & everything that comes with it. We just bought a house and our finances have changed lately considerably =) The wedding date we picked was June 28th of this year. The more I've thought about it, the scarier it seems! The costs are adding up so quickly and I just don't know if we'll be able to pull it off the way we're hoping. My parents also said they'd contribute, but with the economy the way it is, their business has suffered and I don't even want to mention wedding bills to them!

So FI and I are thinking of alternatives. The only hard cost we've laid down so far is the deposit on the location. It was $1000 initially, and the rest would be due 30 days prior to the wedding. We still really love the location, but we're thinking about pushing the date back a year. The people that run the wedding site are REALLY nice people and I think they're fine with date changes. I still have to find out, as this is just a new idea for us.

What I was thinking is we could elope this year and have a year to save up, get comfortable with our finances & the new house bills, and next year have the kick ass wedding that we've (I've) been planning. Since we're homeowners now, being legally married will put us in a MUCH better place for filing taxes next year (the return will be enormous compared to "decent") FI is a little unsure, wondering "what the point is" of having a "wedding" when you're technically already married. I know several people who've eloped and later had a big wedding, and were really happy doing that. He's coming around to the idea, but I was hoping I could hear from some of you. Have any of you done this? What do you think about it?

We really do want to have a wedding with everyone we hold near & dear there- we want it to be beautiful & wonderful & special, but we don't want to be dreading the debt the entire time! We just want to do the smartest thing without sacrificing anything. Help!

Here is what I think. If finances will be an issue, please, please, don't put yourself in financial debt.

Putting it off a year could be a very sound financial decision. Too many people put themselves in major debt over their weddings and then suffer the consequences after.

I personally like the idea of either eloping this year and havuing the wedding next year, or maybe just having the wedding next year and not elpoe.

HTH.

I too think it's crazy to go in debt for a wedding. I know a lot of people do it, but that just isn't us. Our only debt is his truck payment and the house. No CC debt and we don't want to start now!!

We're going to talk it over more tonight and this week, and probably talk to some close friends and family about it too. We always make group decisions! haha Hopefully we can just plan a super romantic weekend in Tahoe, elope and start planning our awesome big wedding for a year later. Then I'll have more time to plan! As it is I've been stressing about the dresses I have yet to order (BMs still don't have their measurements to me, omg) and everything just doesn't feel right.

Thank you for your thoughts :) Sometimes I need to bounce ideas off other people, even complete strangers

We have had to postpone our wedding 3 times already, BUT it was due to medical issues. Anywhoo, even though it was a bit disappointing, I have to tell you that having the extra time has been great. I have been able to put away more money and come up with anymore great ideas.

It could be really good for you.

sigh, Mrs Tong- when I first bought my place, I was afraid to turn on the heat. It took me awhile to adjust to a mortgage and property taxes. It was probably 6 months before I started to spend 'normally'.

I think everyone in your life will respect your decision to be fiscally responsible and I am sure your parents will appreciate your decision not to impact their lives. You might find that postponing will also allow you to figure out what you really want; sometimes 'we' get caught up in all the planning and it gains a life of its own, beyond what we really want.

I think it would definitely be ok to wait - that way, you will have the time you need to not only plan, but PAY for the wedding! ;) And, its funny, before I even got to your second post, I thought, hmm, they could just go to Tahoe, do something super romantic and elope, then come back and take time to save and plan the big wedding for the following year! Great minds think a like, ha ha ha! :) So I think its a great idea and then that way the two of you won't be so stressed out!

This is an easy one for me. Put it off a year!! We were planning our wedding for last April 2007, but then in November 2006 I found out I failed the California Bar and I would have to take it again at the end of Feb. I knew I couldn't plan a wedding, take off work to study and still be able to have the wedding I wanted, due to finances and studying.

Its the best decision I have made. I passed the second time around and it gave me a full year to save up more and this time we are doing the whole thing from our savings and not putting anything on "credit"

As for eloping, do it if it will help with your taxes, people these days understand the "real wedding" second time around thing and they are just happy that you wanted them to be a part of this whole special day for you.

Oh one last thing. I have been to a city hall wedding in San Francisco and its amazing!!! You can get a reservation within 2 weeks and then go to a great place for dinner.

I think there are also ways you can have a really affordable wedding. I am helping a friend plan a wedding for $5K. I think you can have a really nice party with just finger foods and drinks. Or punch and Costco cake. Shoot, decorate with potted plants! I think it's very doable to have a truly simple wedding that is still very meaningful and special. The wedding industry tells us "simple" is buttercream instead of fondant, dahlias instead of peonies.

But I think you're very wise to try and take the emotions out of it while trying to tackle finances. It's something a lot of people can't do and get in trouble for later. Good luck!

I agree with moe. You can plan a wedding for less (i.e. Crudités variées and other heavier hors d'oeuvre) or how about bbq or something less expensive than sushi. And grocery stores can make pretty cakes. My cake which I think will be very pretty could have been made by any grocer, so too could most butter cream cakes. If you want fondant decorating or sugar flowers, order them separately and put them on yourself - there are pro bakers sell kits. Use craigslist.com to find vendors like bands, photographers etc. And check fiftyflowers.com for flower options that are affordable and you can do yourself. There are other ways to save too and I'm sure myself and the other ladies on this board can come up with really clever ways to do it so it doesn't have to seem "simple" in a bad way :)