#1 Has got to be to turn off the light or turn off the tv.  At my hospital, all of those are at the bedside.  Do they have someone who does this for them at home? 

#2 Is when you're admitting a pt and they're still on the gurney and they're already asking you for food.

Can you adjust my bed...what your fingers broken! Hell our beds the controls unlock form the side of the bed like a remote so the I can't reach excuse don't work!

Do I really need that IV?? Um hello your in with N&V, diarrhea and dehydration. If you weren't sick I'd send you home, think about it:P

I promise my bedside manner is far more polite then how I sound above, I just got nutty by those few patients that seem to think staying in the hospital should be like a stay at a fancy hotel:)

"Can you rub my back?"

Um, NO!!!!! I'm an ICU NURSE, not a freakin' massage therapist! See your wife, sleeping in the big ass chair next to your bed? Ask HER.

"Can you shave me?"...I just got this one last night. It was almost 4 in the morning. Me: "Ugh....o---kay. Well, let me draw my labs and give meds first....But I have to say I've never shaved a man before...." He quickly changed his mind as was my strategy, he he. Sounds evil but damn we are in the ICU, there are much more important things I need to be doing. He's obviously transferring to the floor today.

"Can I get something to eat? I haven't eaten all day." In the ER.

A) Chances are, neither have I, I've been taking care of you guys.

B) I'm not responsible for the previous 8 hours before you entered my facility for your chronic back pain.

OMG these are too funny hahah!