May 15, 2010
Ok even though I am mad at Allen right now, I am going to finish my intro...
So when we started dating he worked out of town and I would travel 3 or 4 hours every other day to see him and he would come home on weekends. Every other weekend we would have his kids and always plan fun things...it was so sad these children age 6, 8 and 10 at the time had never been on a vaction or to an amusement park etc. Everything changed for these kids- their father was finally happy, so he could be "that guy" for them. It was awsome.
Life went on like this and I was working 3 jobs- Riding Instructor/Barn Manager, Aerobic instructor/Personal Trainer and a Bartender 5 nights a week. Each time we had the kids, we would hear about things that were going on at their mothers house...drugs, strange men, living in a bad neighbor hood, failing school etc.
Finally after talking for awhile, Allen had decided with me that we would try for full custody. This was a very huge step for me as they would be living in my house with me and I would be spending most of the time with them. But I come from an abusive household and I knew they had to get away from that. This was no time to be selfish...
So papers were filed, lawyers hired, and stress built. It was not fast enough so Allen finally put his foot down and said "kids you are going to live here for alittle while 'til mom gets it together". Because he had joint custody this was fine by the courts- but not their mother...
After having her on my porch calling me every name in the book, I couldn't help saying to myself...What am I doing? I am a college grad, own a business, am 27 years old, have waited to get married to find Mr. Right, been engaged 2 times and backed out because they weren't "the one".
The hardest part was knowing that I will never be the mother of his first child, his first wife, and most important- we would always have to deal with her :(
After alot of lawyer bills, we got full custody and their mother doesn't even get them overnight! The aftermath was that we were broke, Allen had to get a job that did not include travel which ended up in a pay cut, I was paying for 3 kids almost by myself and the nanny too. I had to cut back on all my jobs to have the time to cook, clean, and get them on the bus for school. Not only that, I had to hear "you are not my mother" more then 10 times when I asked them to do their homework or clean their rooms...short end of the stick? I think so!
Well on the other hand...Allen is amazing- I have never met a man so perfect for me! If I am fire- he is water. We compliment each other. Hate to say that played out saying but it fits: He completes me. I light a fire under his ass when he needs it and he calms me down when I need it. I have dated a few guys and am a good judge. Never met someone so awsome. He has had a hard time with his childhood and so have I...I think what we have in common is the fact that we have grown up and taken the good from our parents, but threw away the bad stuff, hence why I am not married now...
So now we live together with the 3 children. I am the one that gets to tuck them in at night, cook dinner, put them on the bus for school, sign all the school papers, read to them at night, buy their clothes, clean the house, make sure they have lunch, etc. They are now calling me mom...and are very excited about our wedding. In fact they cant wait. Kaylah is 6 and is the flower girl. Kamryn is 9 and is a Jr. Brides Made. Nathan is 11 and is the ring bearer. We are all ready to be a family even though in our hearts we already are. :) Its funny...I was mad at him but I'm not too mad anymore- lol
It has been tough. Allen and I have not had the fairy tale that most dream about when they are little, playing dress up. Allen was in a very unhappy marrige when I met him and our relationship started as a great friendship. We talked about his problems with his wife, her chemical dependency, and abusive behavior. I was always there for him and began to grow more and more attracted to him.
This situation was even more complicated. I was engaged to another man that I had been with for 5 years and Allen has 3 children to think about aswell. So we ingored all of our feelings for about 2 years. It was too hard to stand by and watch his situation and see what it was doing to him and his children when I loved him so much. So we lost touch with each other.
Christmas at my farm is very beautiful. We always do a huge light display and all of the public can come out. My fiance was playing Santa and there was a long line of children. I had to leave Santa and feed some horses in a back field. It was pretty dark, but they had to eat. I was driving back and saw this man that looked like Allen. I could only see the back of him. My heart strarted pounding, palms sweating, short breaths...the whole nine...
It was Allen. I pretended that I needed to walk to another barn so that I would have to run into him. Our eyes locked and we both smiled. It was over after that...we have been together ever since. When we reunited he had been separated for 1 year and living out of town. To be continued... ; )