Planet Beach

I think I am the whitest person ever to set foot in this place.

This was my first time trying a spray tan (it's buy one get one free for new clients), and I was doing a test run for my wedding next month. They had me watch the video on how I should prepare for my Mystic Tan. And afterwards I had questions.

"So, where is the nasal plug in the video?"
"Oh, no one uses that. They don't use the protective eyewear either. They just hold their breath and then run for the door for a breath in the five seconds the machine turns off while they turn around to spray the back."

"Wait, wait, wait. People don't use the eyewear?"
"No, no one's *ever* used eyewear. They just close their eyes."
"Well, I want to be safe and use the eyewear."
"Oh, we don't actually have any protective eyewear. We have creepy tanning glasses for $3."
"Wait, you would be charging me for the eyewear shown in the video?"
"Sorry but we don't have the glasses."
"So when you said no one's ever used the eyewear, that was more because you don't actually have it?"

Their concerns about safety seemed iffy, and then when I get to the spray tan room I notice there's no lip balm either! (Lip balm is also advised to be used in the video.) I had to fish out a stick of lip balm out of my purse.

Okay, so I stood in the booth naked ready to be Mystic Tanned. I held my breath and pushed the button and I hold my breath. Except... holding your breath is easy when you're under water but it's much harder to make sure you're doing when you're not in water. I was worried the whole time that I was breathing through my nose by mistake. After 15 seconds I rushed to the door for a breath and without thinking opened my eyes and mouth on the way and saw a huge cloud of tanner that I tasted. Ick! I worried that I might have tasted cancer right about then. Oh well, FDA approved... but not in the mouth.

At first I didn't notice any difference in my skin color, but then before I went to bed that night I* really* noticed how much darker I was. Darker for me is still lighter than the rest of the population, but it was pretty noticeable on me. My legs were streaky but everywhere else my tan was even.

Overall this was sort of a disturbing experience but the results were pretty good.