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Advice: Guest list

(community article)

We stressed so much over our guest list and I've read 3 worried posts about guest lists just today so I have to make an official post about our guest list philosophy:

Ask yourself which people you would be absolutely devastated to miss at your wedding. We're talking heart-broken, not an "aw...that's too bad..." but devastated, if they RSVPd "not able to attend." Write down their names. These are the most important people in the world to you and they should be at your wedding. You absolutely do not owe an invitation to anybody else, no matter their relationship or past relationship with you.

So I ask:

WHY why why why WHY stress over whether to invite people you would barely miss? It boggles my mind? DO NOT EVEN BOTHER INVITING THEM because it is not worth stressing over whether the 120 people you've invited will fit into your 80 PAX venue. Or, even worse, how REDICULOUS is it to hope upon hope that someone you've invited won't come? Why are you inviting someone you don't want there? (unless they are immediate family...which is just a whole nother post. lol)

 

Stop stressing. It's easier than you're making it out to be. How much more would you enjoy packing another couple $Thousand onto your honey-fund rather than just inviting everybody you've ever known, that girl you were bffs with in high school but haven't seen in two years or your first grade teacher you haven't seen since the first grade. 

And hey, I'm not looking to offend anyone. If you have a large guest list, that is absolutely your prerogative and I'm sure your day is going to be beautiful.It's awesome that you have the budget and the room to invite absolutely anybody you wanted to!! I just have to post this in case someone who *hasn't* sent out invites yet could use the reality check. I wish someone had said these things to me a year ago so I would have stopped obsessing over people-pleasing! Your wedding day is about a marriage of two souls and a joining of families, not about whether your co-worker's, second cousin's or college roomie's feelings will be hurt if you don't extend the invitation. This is the ultimate "my day my way" rite of passage. Just say no.

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10K 84 11
12/12/2009 at 09:25 pm

Awesome post!

12/12/2009 at 07:20 pm

great much needed post...thanks

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1427 126 6
12/12/2009 at 06:36 pm

I had a situation like this and I talked to my gf about it (it was no secret I didn't like him- she had vented to me on their many break ups and so I knew all his dirt) and left it to her to decide, she decided not to bring him.

12/12/2009 at 06:34 pm

linburdett, something like that depends on WHY you don't want her bf to come. Does he drink a lot and tend to be rude when he's drunk? Are you concerned he'll be a jerk to the other guests? If you think he will truly negatively affect your reception, and your gf and bf ARE seriously dating, then I think breaking it to the bf in person, just explaining you wish you could invite him but the venue size prevents it or something. If it is just because you don't like him, but you're allowing other gfs to bring their bfs, it will be considered very rude to not allow her to bring him. Alternatively, you can explain your reservations to your gf, but leave it up to her whether she wants to bring him or not. Either way, restricting someone will require a tough talk with them.

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Last Revision on Jan 24, 2010 at 11:14pm
by theprincessbride, jesandshan
in Budget, Planning Basics, Wedding Party, Wedding Venues
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