How to Manage Unsupportive Friends and Family Members

Are your friends and family less than thrilled that you're engaged? Here's how to handle the naysayers. (expert advice)

Isn't it a complete downer when unsupportive friends and family lurk in the corners of your wedding planning with sneers, frowns, and scowled faces? It's pretty hard to ignore the fake toothy grins and underhanded remarks that may come with the announcement of one of the most important days of your life. However, you should know that some instances involving unsupportive friends and family are easily correctable, while others may take a bit of time chiseling away at the root of the problem.

Below you will find four of the most common reasons why unsupportive friends and family tend to emerge when wedding bells start to ring:

1) Cultural & Religious Clashes: An issue that causes an engaged couple to encounter unsupportive friends and family is cultural and religious differences. Parents may hold concerns regarding religious practices and wonder what will happen when children become involved. Friends may not understand or harbor uncertainties regarding certain cultures. The unknown can become quite threatening and scary to unsupportive friends and family. Being respectful of this reaction can smooth over the tension. Make a concentrated effort to answer any questions and calm any 'fears' they may have.

2) Jealousy: Are you getting married before your best friend whose been planning their wedding since they were four years old? Does the extra attention of becoming a bride-to-be frustrate your older sister? Jealousy usually rears its ugly head in many different ways, causing a rift between unsupportive friends and family. Sometimes, it is best to let the "green eyes" run their course while trying to incorporate unhappy loved ones in your wedding plans.

3) Disapproval: Some unsupportive friends and family simply feel that the bride or groom is not good enough for their loved one. A sister may suspect a snake or an in-law may view you as too immature for their son. Whatever the case – you cannot please every single family member and friend. There will be suspicions and reservations, making it all the more satisfying when you prove them wrong.

4) Unwillingness to Let Go: It could be your fiancé's overprotective mother or your best friend since the third grade, but it is not uncommon for unsupportive friends and family to arise when they feel as if they are going to lose something when your marriage takes place. A few suggestions:

• Best Friend: Take your confidant aside and let them know that you will still be there for them through thick and thin. Mention that some changes will come, but your friendship remains the same. Stress the fact that it would make you happy to see them share your joy for this momentous occasion.

• Parents: Unsupportive friends and family can really put a damper on the planning and execution of a wedding, especially when it is the parents holding back their approval. While you ideally crave the approval, acceptance, and best wishes of your parents and in-laws, do not allow their misgivings to ruin your special day. Remain cordial, attentive, and strong.

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KatSut1978

10/15/2011 at 08:30 am

I think this is a helpful article. Thank God I am not going through this. Everyone is in total support of my up-coming marriage. But, I think there has to be a happy medium here. My thought is that it is a double edged sword....You should follow your heart and live your OWN life instead of one that other people want you to live. However, sometimes We get so blinded by the WRONG love that we don't listen to the warning signs that only a loved one can tell you about and We end up headed for a major BAD CHOICE! I say listen (with a grain of salt) to what the people you trust the most are telling you. If they are telling you the guy/lady is a total jerk and wrong for you...maybe take stock of the relationship and wait until you make such a HUGE commitment.

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helia

01/29/2011 at 06:08 pm

If I were to listen to my mother about her disapproval of my marriage to my fiancé, I would be alone. Some people have issues regardless of who the individual is. I am marrying a wonderful person that everyone loves but my mother (who claims she like him), because of her own issues, now has a problem with us getting married, 4 years after being together.

Even though family and friends approval is important, their disapproval is often times based on selfish issues. If they never had a problem with your spouse before, why make an issue now. This is a helpful article because it gives you a little bit of perspective on why others will act the way they do and allows a bride/groom an idea of how to handle the situation without making it a bigger deal.

That’s right; this is about your life, your decision, and your own choices. Yes, it is beneficial to have discussed important issues prior to marriage, but it all comes down to the two of you and what you do for you.

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roberta_o

09/20/2010 at 08:50 am

Really good article!

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supermansgirl

09/20/2010 at 08:30 am

I think this is a terrible article. Unless your family and friends are people not to be looked up to, it absolutely must be taken into account if the people closest to you don't approve. If my parents had serious reservations about my fiance I'd absolutely listen to them. This article does not protect the bride- just the bride-to-be's "big party"... the wedding. And religion is a huge issue- something that will not rear it's massive head until 10 or 20 years into the marriage. Not that couples from different religions shouldn't marry, but I think serious pre-marital counseling needs to take place in those situations. The big wedding doesn't matter years in the future when unresolved issues reveal themselves. I would say, brides, listen to your family and friends. This is about your life and not a big fancy 'party'. xoxoxo!!!

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