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RSVP Gripes

Planning a wedding and working to make everything come together for one special, perfect day can be difficult. This is especially true if the people around you (the family, wedding party and guests) aren’t cooperating the way you’d like them to. (community article)

RSVP Gripes article photo
Union Photography

Planning a wedding and working to make everything come together for one special, perfect day can be difficult.  This is especially true if the people around you (the family, wedding party and guests) aren't cooperating the way you'd like them to.  This is where the RSVP gripes come in at.  Below, you will find some of the most common RSVP gripes and some helpful solutions to use in those situations.

Late or Missing RSVPs -

One of the biggest RSVP gripes is when they come in late, or you don't receive them at all.  Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do with late RSVPs, unless you'd like to give the guest an earful.  However, for missing RSVPs, you should try to call the guest.

When calling, you should always assume that the invitation or RSVP card has been lost in the mail - never assume that they simply didn't care to send you their response.  Simply inform the guest that you haven't received an RSVP and ask if they received an invitation and whether or not you should expect their presence.  Also, if you're unable to get in touch with a guest to RSVP, simply assume that they will be attending.  Having more than enough for your guests is much better than having too little.

Half RSVPs -

Another RSVP gripe is if you actually do receive the RSVP for an invitation which allows for one guest to accompany the recipient - but the recipient doesn't inform you that a guest will also be coming.  This can make it difficult to get an accurate head count for the food, favors, etc.  If you aren't sure whether the recipient is bringing a guest to the wedding, always assume that they are.  Again, having too many chairs and places is better than not having enough.

No Reason for the Decline -

If you receive an RSVP card back and a guest has declined, but there is no reason for the decline.  It can really make you want to send an RSVP etiquette guide their way.  Whether they are having family problems at the time, have already committed to another event or something else, it's always nice to have some reason why they will not be attending.

When left without one, their RSVP can seem really rude and nonchalant.  In this case, simply call after the ceremony and let the guest know that they were missed and that it was unfortunate that they weren't able to come.  Of course, don't ask why, but it's nice to give a follow up call in any situation.

Although RSVP gripes are plentiful, these are the most common ones - and the best ways to deal with them.

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MEMBER COMMENTS

03/09/2013 at 02:44 pm

Agree with PP... they are absolutely NOT obligated to tell you why they cannot attend. That sounds like a recipe for drama and hurt feelings. Shockingly bad advice. I thought this was supposed to be a site to help brides?

03/03/2013 at 02:00 pm

I'm sorry to say that I completely disagree with the last section about RSVPs.

People DO NOT I repeat DO NOT have to tell you WHY they aren't attending UNLESS they wish to OR you have a really great relationship with them and they are willing to give up that information freely.

There's a fine line between being sounding concerned and sounding disappointed with your guests.

Remember we want to maintain civil and pleasant relationships with our friends and guests without sounding over the top.

My wedding is not the be all and end all of my ties with the people in my lives....So I don't feel that they have to give me a reason for not coming....I don't want my friends to feel uncomfortable.

Maybe they are going through a rough time (WHATEVER SITUATION)....The mature thing to do would be to accept that they will not be attending and discuss (quick/casual) plans to meet after the wedding/honeymoon if possible and that's it.

Lastly, the bride and groom ought to call guests and get the final number attending.

Enjoy your planning:) And be kind to all your friends and guests for a smashing party:)

 

09/10/2012 at 07:56 am

Were 4 months till are Destination wedding, And have just learn that the maid of honor, may not make it, do to not have enough money to pay for the flight, which is do at the end of the month. I Know people can have unexpected problems with money and have to bail out. But this is not the case. She had over a year and half  to save, and decided to tell us this 3 weeks before the deadline. We have also paid for her brides maid dress.  Now cause were scrambling to get a final answer. She wont return calls or emails.  Any suggestions?

02/29/2012 at 11:04 pm

I am really struggling with having to wait so long to know about how many people will be attendign or not. I am about 6 months out and hate knowing that I really won't know how many people unitl about a month out:( I already have my invitations designed and the ONe thing I did on my RSVP to help get a better count on attendance is provide more than just them and a guest. I actually gave them the option of bringing up to 6 by simply having 1..2..3..4..5..6, and having them circle the number of guests. I figured this would help with families!

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Last Revision on Jan 24, 2010 at 11:16pm
by apax, grant8la, vesnafil
in Wedding Invitations, Wedding Party
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